It's been a while.

So I've been thinking about this for some time, after I withdrew from the community's Discord a while back.

Between being swamped because of my mom's recovery (After I took off, she has since spent another month in the hospital and is now totally zapped) and the housework, SSBF, my music endeavors, etc., and the fact that I've become disillusioned after 10 years on VGR, I, Kold-Virus, am pressing pause.

I wasn't happy to leave the VGR Discord. But I'm just spent, so I went "ah screw it". It was a move I'd been contemplating for some time now, one that never gave me comfort, but I had to for my own sanity. And yes, in case anyone noticed, I've deleted my Discord account altogether. I wasn't hacked: I closed it on purpose. Without VGR, my most-used community, there was no point in staying anymore. Not with this rap sheet and username. My only regret was not informing anyone.

VG-Resource for me used to be a second home. A comfort community where I'd always had someone to listen to my ups, downs, gripes and my grumpy ol' attitude. Problem is, I've had to deal with so much bullshit and hypocrisy over the years, and thus have been in self-preservation mode for so long, that I'd built a wall around myself, not realizing how much of an dick I had become. And it led to me doing one the very things I hated in others: I scapegoated and blamed others for my bad acts.

I HAVE met some cool people along the way, thanks guys, and I appreciate Petie in particular for letting me try to set things right. But it's just not worked. There was a point where I didn't recognize the community I'd joined anymore. And I don't recognize the jerk I've become. Friends became annoyed. Cool people turned hostile. And as has been the story of my life, when I mess up once, that's it. There's no opportunity to explain things. In typical internet fashion. This isn't a VGR-specific thing. I've just had awful luck in life it seems. But still, I own up to it. I messed up. I won't make excuses for it. Having Asperger's and a serious aversion to BS aren't excuses anymore.

I've logged in to say goodbye, just in case anybody still cares (if they ever did at all. Blame my lack of confidence). I don't know if this goodbye will be permanent. But I definitely do need time for some serious maintenance and self-care. I once wanted others to "lighten up". Well, I need to "change". And the sooner the better. I hate what I've become. It's nothing like I act IRL anymore. IF I do return, expect a new identity, user and stuff, to finish cleaning up after myself. I'm a grown-ass adult and I'm currently not acting like one. And if I don't put in the effort? Talk is cheap.

The biggest beef people seemed to have were my "romantic" discussions. That's where I've (already) started. That ends now (actually, weeks ago lol, I've not asked anyone out in weeks now). I made the decision shortly after leaving Discord altogether. I've officially retired from that scene. No more dating for me, this time for sure. It's by choice. It's never been worth what I got back. Life is bigger than that. But, I'm ALL for staying friends with female users who still want to be. So there will be no more whining on that subject. And I will want you to hold me up to that promise.

I hope my submissions to the Resource sites can stay up in case.

Love and regrets,

~KV.

PS have a cat

I wish you and your mom the best in the future! Mayhap, you will reconsider and join the community again.

Until then, or not, take care.

I appreciate the sentiment.

Unfortunately, she has passed away at 68 years old.

Guys, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for being such a fucking asshat and jerk. Cherish your loved ones. Don't take 'em for granted like I did.

I will probably rejoin. Once I've sorted myself out and gotten back to the way I USED to be before being such a creep. I'm so disappointed in myself.

I'm sorry to hear about your Grandma passing. May she rest in peace.

Not "grand". She already passed almost a year ago. This was my mother.

She and I were very close. And it's still raw.

My apologies...I am not sure why I wrote that. May your mother rest in peace.

I wish you the best of luck on recovery from everything happening with you! Stay safe out there

(12-14-2024, 01:30 AM)Aquatically404 Wrote: I wish you the best of luck on recovery from everything happening with you! Stay safe out there

I thought you were mad at me

But thanks though.