My First Poem: Memories

[El Loco]

Memories
By El Loco
My memories they fade away
And with each passing day
They will go further away
Gone to where to memories go
For future generations they will bestow
As Memories from long ago
And Although I wasn’t able to retain
My memories they will remain
They will never be gone for good
They grow farther from me and closer to them
They will shine to them like a gem
And even as the day will dawn
Even to the day I’m gone
They will still be grace like a swan
Deep done in the abyss
Or there is eternal bliss
My memories while not be amiss
Gone with each passing day
My memories they go further away

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I made this poem out of boredom, mainly because I lost my camera's memory card, and a whole bunch of words came to my head and I wanted to copy them down. I decided to show it to this website, to ask you guys what you think about, and what you think needs to be improved. Since this is my first poem please take it easy.

[LilGrim1991]

If your gonna rhyme in ABAB, you should atleast try to match up the syllable count as closely as possible, yours goes 8-6-8-7-11-8-11-8...ect. Also, try to avoid cliche's like rhyming day with away, and using words that don't fit like "bestow" and "amiss", its easy to tell your using rhyme zone.

Nonetheless, you should keep at it, you do have a voice, just make sure you hone it.

[El Loco]

If your gonna rhyme in ABAB, you should atleast try to match up the syllable count as closely as possible, yours goes 8-6-8-7-11-8-11-8...ect. Also, try to avoid cliche's like rhyming day with away, and using words that don't fit like "bestow" and "amiss", its easy to tell your using rhyme zone.

Nonetheless, you should keep at it, you do have a voice, just make sure you hone it.

Okay thanks, I'll practice.