Super Smash Bros. Stories

[supersmashball]

Super Smash Bros. - Story 2
        Mall Day

  One day, (since Kirby is a chef),
 he got his weekly pay of $ 2,000.
 So he decided to do what what he
 does best.

 Taking his friends on an adventure to
 the mall.

 So anyways, about 3 in the morning,
 Kirby get everybody up to get ready
 to go.

 But since only a few people went with
 him every month, (Yes. Month.), he
 decided to take new people with him,
 too.

 So he got up the following:

 King DeDeDe - Old
 Jigglypuff - New
 Meta Knight - Old
 Samus - New
 Luigi (is rarely featured.) - New
 Ness - Old
 Lucas - New
 Toon Link - Old
 Everybody was crabby at first but when
 they heard about money, they were up
 & running.

 Everybody got a fair share of $600,
 each. But since they went every MONTH,
 Kirby had been saving up.

 (Oh, yeah. His counted total is $40,769.)
 

 So Ness and Lucas went to the toy section,
 Luigi went to the Radishes section, King DeDeDe
 went to the class of 'How to Clobber Dat Der
 Kirbeh', Meta Knight went to the Pringles section,
 (Yes. Meta Knight likes Pringles.), Samus went to
 the........something section, I really don't know, and
 Link went to the bows and arrows section.


 Wait, hang on.


 (Kirby, Sorry I forgot, went to the Cooking section.)


 Then Kirby wrote a list. Everybody thinks this is bad
 for some reason.

 Hey, it's just a list of what not to get:

 Lucas / Ness - anything involving tattoos (only temporary, though)
 King DeDeDe - Lessons on 'How to Clobber Dat Der Kirby'
 (He did it anyways, though.)
 Luigi - Anything besides Daikons or cake.
 Meta Knight - Japanese Kirby Handbooks (yes, they exist.)
 Toon Link - Bombs (Yeah. That's it.)
 Jigglypuff - Singing Lessons
 Samus - Stuff
 Me (Kirby) - Anything besides food.


 So Ness pulls a toy off of the shelf and it says:
 'Price: $6,005'

 They think Kirby will let them get it, but watch.


 (Or read. Another thing, if you don't get the 'Clobber
 Dat Der Kirby' reference, watch the Kirby TV show,
 (Which is on YouTube), or look it up on YouTube.)

 (If you don't get my Luigi & Radishes joke, i'll publish the stories on here.)

 Kirby brings everybody over to the registers with their things.

 He was stunned to see what they had;

 Ness/ Lucas - Tattoos AND a $6,005 toy!
 Jigglypuff - A singing class certificate that was half written
 DeDeDe - Clobber Dat Der Kirbeh Certificate
 Samus - Stuff
 Luigi - PLUMS (Really, Luigi?)
 Toon Link - Bombs and Stuff
 Meta Knight - A cart full of Kirby Handbooks (Money well spent.)

 Then Kirby jumped up, smacked all of them in the face, made them drop
 EVERYTHING, and WALK home. (Because Kirby stole a car.)
 

 Sample - Super Smash Bros. - Mall Day

Well, what'd you think?
Write below!

[Gors]

in all my days of modding this site, this ought to be the most confusing thing I've read, ever

[~Axis~]

I couldnt agree more with Gors.

It doesnt look like a story at all, It looks like you just wrote down your thoughts as though you were literally talking to us. You could have just edited mistakes instead of just writing....

(Kirby, Sorry I forgot, went to the Cooking
section.)

Its pretty clear you havent written a story before. Try making a web of your ideas on a piece of paper and write a rough draft of the story. It's supposed to be written as though the reader has no clue what-so-ever about what you're talking about, make it descriptive and write it FORMALLY. Seperate it into different paragraph, each one describing a single idea (plot point). The story you posted is sloppy and unappealing. I couldnt even get through a quarter of it before starting to skim through. Also refer to books or novels and see how they were written to give you a better idea on how a story is supposed to be.

[supersmashball]

Alright, so let's not do stories then (but go ahead if you wanna).
But another thing: I actually HAVE written before.
Lots.
101 pages lots.
Seriously, you don't have to be like that anyways, that was just a draft.
It probably won't be the same thing when I finish.
That was only like 1/ 5 of it!
I know this has nothing to do with this but, now I have an Icon.
That I DREW.
It's really hi-res bout only 299kb.
I'll leave it in the attachments part. If there's something I can do good,
it's gotta be drawing.
I have a notebook full (It's only like 10-13 pages, though.)
Those I take lots of time to do!!!!
That Kirby (Ice), was half of a picture with Pikachu in it. (He's only 1/ 2 colored.)

[Gors]

Alright, so let's not do stories then (but go ahead if you wanna).
But another thing: I actually HAVE written before.
Lots.
101 pages lots.
Seriously, you don't have to be like that anyways, that was just a draft.
It probably won't be the same thing when I finish.
That was only like 1/ 5 of it!
I know this has nothing to do with this but, now I have an Icon.
That I DREW.
It's really hi-res bout only 299kb.
I'll leave it in the attachments part. If there's something I can do good,
it's gotta be drawing.
I have a notebook full (It's only like 10-13 pages, though.)
Those I take lots of time to do!!!!
That Kirby (Ice), was half of a picture with Pikachu in it. (He's only 1/ 2 colored.)

Oh, I missed this a lot...

"Alright, so let's not do stories then (but go ahead if you wanna)."

No, let's not. This is a thread about YOUR art, not ours. We are here to see what you can produce - so there is not such thing as 'do it if you want'.

"But another thing: I actually HAVE written before.
Lots.
101 pages lots."

Protip: quantity is not quality. You could write thousands of papers and still be bad at writing - because you don't seem to put your ideas in a clear way, hence why it's too confusing to read. What's the point of writing something if only you can understand.

"Seriously, you don't have to be like that anyways, that was just a draft."

Then give us the completed stuff. Don't create topics when you have less than enough content to be shown, ever.

"That was only like 1/ 5 of it!"

Never, NEVER say shit like this. I've seen people quantitizing their projects in percentages as if you have any thorough report to calculate it. You don't. And even if you did it means nothing to us because no matter if it's 1/5, 20% or 99%, a bad thing is still a bad thing.

"I know this has nothing to do with this but, now I have an Icon. That I DREW."

It's as if you're eager to be recognized for the things you make by the what you word sentences (especially that capslock). How about not thinking actively on that, and rather focusing on doing your best and improving always? We are not doubting you, we aren't attacking you, there is no need to act cocky like that. (disregard this if you were not)

"Those I take lots of time to do!!!!"

Don't expect to be buttpatted with this sentence. We will not go "aww, he took a week to do that, let's cut him some slack!". It's ok that it takes time to do, that is a given. You are not a special snowflake in this community, no one is.

I expect more from you in the future, but be more humble and honest about your works.