Brick shitting Psychic predictions on E3 2009.

[OSM]

http://www.destructoid.com/destructoid-s...3545.phtml

Holy balls. If even 50% of these predictions are true then the golden age of gaming is upon us ladies and gentlemen.

The link usually doesn't work because of Destructoid being screwy, I always have trouble with Destructoid. Lemme just quote the whole thing:

Every year, all of the videogame Web sites put together a list of predictions of what games they think will be hinted at, talked about, or dramatically unveiled at the world's biggest annual gaming convention: E3. In fact, we tend to do the same thing -- just last year we did one of those traditional predictions posts as well.

This year, however, we decided to do something a little different (this is Destructoid, after all). Instead of a normal list of educated guesses based on the varying leaks and rumors that have been cropping up as of late, I decided to explore the seedy streets of Los Angeles to find a real-life psychic to do the predicting for us!

And, boy, was my journey a resounding success!

The psychic I discovered -- she goes by the name Madame Christine, or her full name, Madame Christine of the Ether (amazing!) -- sat down with me and did full readings on the three major videogame companies: Nintendo, Microsoft, and Sony. In addition, she asked her magic pendulum (I kid you not) a slew of questions provided by you, the community, about specific topics concerning playable games and what-could-be shocking announcements.

So, what was the result? Could a random Los Angeles psychic who knows nothing about videogames make more accurate predictions than someone in the gaming industry? What did Madame Christine have to say about next week's big show? You really have to hit the jump to find out the absolutely fascinating results. You don't want to miss this!

First, a little setup.

I met Madame Christine -- who I agreed to not photograph -- on a late Friday night in her own studio apartment on the east side of Hollywood. Fortunately for this article, the excitement I had to talk with her superseded my practical side that was telling me to not wander into a psychic's apartment alone and in a rough neighborhood. Did I mention I was alone?

Lucky for me, I wasn't murdered. Instead, I was greeted with a warm smile and a nice cup of amaranth tea as I entered the very accommodating psychic's incense-filled home.

The first thing I had to do was pull out my three videogame controllers -- I had brought along a Wii Remote, an Xbox 360 wireless controller, and a DualShock 3 to help with the readings.

After she finished lighting the last of her (what seemed like) thousands of candles, the two of us sat down on a luxurious red velvet cloth ... and the predictions began.

The first thing Madame Christine wanted to do was a very detailed Tarot Card reading for each of the three main companies (Nintendo, Microsoft, and Sony). After setting out the appropriate controller (first up: Wiimote!), Madame Christine began shuffling the mysterious deck.

Okay, a side note: I had no idea how Tarot Cards worked before this night. The only knowledge I had was from fortune tellers in movies, and, according to Madame Christine, those portrayals were borderline offensive.

So, for the uninitiated, here is a breakdown of what goes into a Tarot Card reading:

There are ten cards chosen by me, the person being read. Before choosing the ten cards, I had to channel the company Madame Christine was going to predict. In this case, I tightly held the controller representing that company, cleared my mind, and tried to think of an image of the respective console. And, no, I'm not kidding: once I was there, surrounded by the mysticism of it all, I took all of this really seriously. It was amazing.

Each of the ten cards represents something about the subject's past, present, and future.

The breakdown works out to be something like this:

Card #1 – The current situation that the company is in.
Card #2 – The major influence that resulted in said company's current situation.
Card #3 – The company's recent past.
Card #4 – The company's upcoming future (in this case, their performance at E3).
Card #5 – The company's overarching theme (or, what the company will be focusing on in the future).
Card #6 – The root of the company's current situation.
Card #7 – The company's internal attitude.
Card #8 – How other people view the company.
Card #9 – The company's potential future.
Card #10 – The final outcome of where the company is headed.

So, as you can see, I got much more than just a simple “Will Microsoft do a good job at E3?” reading. I got a freakin’ detailed breakdown of these companies’ futures for the entire next year! And it was all endlessly fascinating!

You might want to go grab a drink or a quick bite to eat before reading on. This post is epic!

Let's start with Nintendo. Here is what the company's Tarot Card reading looked like:

And what did the psychic have to say about each card?

Card #1 – Four of Cups
Nintendo is in very good standing financially, but there are many problems with how people perceive the company. People want to like the company due to their success, but it is hard for people to find something to love.

Card #2 – The Star
Nintendo has an attitude that they know everything, but that is a problem. They are having trouble taking in outside criticism.

Card #3 – The Moon
Nintendo has a very defined situation. They are known throughout the world, but are having trouble living up to their own established standards. People still (and will always) love them, though.

Card #4 – King of Swords
There is a very conflict-driven leader at Nintendo. Likeable, but slightly misguided. This could mean their presence at E3 is unfocused.
[Editor's note: Reggie, anyone?]

Card #5 – The Empress
Nintendo's outlook of the future is bathed in negativity. The Empress is a romantic card, but she foresees disappointment.

Card #6 – Seven of Wands
Creative conflict. Nintendo's current situation holds a lot of creative conflict.
[Editor's note: When I asked Madame Christine what this could mean in videogame terms, I used words like “sequels” and “remakes,” to which she smiled and nodded her head. Very interesting.]

Card #7 – King of Cups (reversed)
There is a leadership issue at Nintendo.

Card #8 – Nine of Swords
Nintendo is going to have a hard time selling their products this year when compared to the past. This has a lot to do with the company's internal attitude; stubbornness; not giving the consumer what they want.

Card #9 – Judgment
A lot of big decisions are going to be made. Leadership at Nintendo is going to change a lot by the end of the year. The direction of the company is going to be much more defined.
[Editor's note: Eek! Update your resume, Cammie!]

Card #10 – Two of Wands (reversed)
There are not going to be a lot of new, ground-breaking games coming from Nintendo. Look for a lot of variants on things you have seen before.
[Editor's note: Again, more talk of sequels and remakes. This is getting interesting!]

Microsoft's Tarot Cards came out like this:

And what did the psychic have to say about each card?

Card #1 – The Chariot
Microsoft is currently moving in a very balanced direction -- nothing too risky, nothing too safe. As of now, the company is all about balance.

Card #2 – Queen of Pentacles
Money, money, money! The reason things are not changing very much within Microsoft is because money is the driving force.

Card #3 – The Magician
Microsoft is not hiding the fact that they are fooling people ... but people are fine with being fooled. According to the psychic, this is not a good card to have here.

Card #4 – Page of Pentacles
Again, money. Microsoft is going to focus a lot on things that are sure to make them a lot of money at E3.

Card #5 – Queen of Wands
E3 will mark a creative change for Microsoft -- one that will continue into its future.
[Editor's note: This most likely means a focus on original, unique content. Less FPSes, maybe?]

Card #6 – King of Pentacles
Microsoft has recently made an effort to do something against its status quo. This could mean a new direction in the future.
[Editor's note: The NXE was a surprising change, as well as Microsoft's growing focus on casual games.]

Card #7 – King of Cups
There are a lot of good people working for Microsoft right now. It is a very stable time for the company.

Card #8 – Eight of Pentacles
For the third time, money came up. People perceive Microsoft as a company that is only about money.

Card #9 – Page of Wands
This year Microsoft will release a videogame that no one has ever seen before. It will be very revolutionary for the industry.
[Editor's note: When asked if this game will appear at E3, the psychic had no comment. Let the speculation begin!]

Card #10 – Five of Cups
Microsoft is heading in a very positive direction. People have a lot of unrealistic expectations about what to expect, but this is the year Microsoft will be a “dream factory” and hopefully meet a lot of its inflated promises.
[Editor's note: Strangely enough, after explaining this card, Madame Christine mentioned that Microsoft would fail around the Christmas season. Whoa! That was a random detail that came out of nowhere!]

And, finally, let's take a look at Sony's Tarot layout:

And what did the psychic have to say about each card?

Card #1 – The Sun (reversed)
Sony is at a time of immense clarity. After a lot of turmoil, they are finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.
[Editor's note: The fact that the card came out reversed is important. Because of this, the company is coming out of darkness and into light, as opposed to starting at success and falling into failure.]

Card #2 – The Eight of Pentacles
Sony's current situation is being dictated by money.
[Editor's note: Or, the lack thereof? I kid, I kid. But seriously, they have no money.]

Card #3 – Ace of Cups
Just recently, Sony made a dramatic decision to make a change. It was a very emotional choice, but a very positive one. Apparently, this is a very good card to show up here.

Card #4 – The Devil (reversed)
At E3, everyone will be dancing to Sony's tune. All of its announcements and game reveals will have a big influence on the industry. During the conference, Sony will be a force to be reckoned with. All the bad advice they have been taking will finally remedy itself.
[Editor's note: With major exclusives like God of War III and the sequel to Uncharted, as well as the predicted reveal of the new PSP and all the exciting games that will come with that, this prediction could very well be true.]

Card #5 – Queen of Pentacles
Instead of focusing on trends, Sony is going to use its strengths to help make the company financially successful. This will be accomplished through strong products and smart marketing.

Card #6 – Seven of Pentacles
Sony will make the most money it has ever made this year.
[Editor's note: This one is hard to believe, given Sony's major financial woes as of late. It is even harder to accept once you think about how much untouchable money the company made with the PlayStation 2. If Madame Christine meant the most money ever made on the PlayStation 3, I would buy that.]

Card #7 – Six of Pentacles (reversed)
The people working at Sony are still listening to some bad advice, but are slowly learning to ignore it and move in a new direction. Because of this, Sony will make a lot of money in the future.

Card #8 – Temperance
People finally believe Sony will be a success; it's not just talk anymore.

Card #9 – The Magician
Sony's future is hazy, but it looks good. The leaders at Sony are going to have a more positive influence on the way the company is headed.

Card #10 – The World
The final outcome for Sony is that everything is coming full circle. The company won't be releasing as much into the market, but because all its software will be such a huge success, it will be making money. People are going to be talking about Sony, and actually want to play the games released on their console more than any other.
[Editor's note: Could the PlayStation 3 be the new PlayStation 2? I certainly hope so!]

The cards speak for themselves, but it looks like all three companies are going to have a very interesting E3 and an even more interesting year!

While I tried to stay completely silent during the dramatic readings, I couldn't help but gasp ever-so-quietly at a couple of Madame Christine's predictions: They seemed to be pretty dead-on! Do you agree? Most interesting (to me, at least) was the revelation that Nintendo would be focusing on a lot of sequels at E3 and that this may be -- finally! -- the year of Sony (something the company has been promising since the PS3 was released).

But now I know you want some real specifics about what may happen at E3, right? This is the part where you (unknowingly) got involved!

A couple of weeks ago I posted a very cryptic community blog post asking you guys for a list of yes/no questions pertaining to things you were generally curious about, concerning what may or may not happen at this year's E3. Well, to say you were responsive is putting it very mildly: You left more than 100 really good questions in the comments! (Sadly, I could only use half of these -- if your question wasn't selected, don't be offended!)

After the Tarot Cards were finished, Madame Christine lit another candle, surrounded it with various stones and gems, and pulled out a clear crystal hanging from a skinny chain.

Madame Christine was going to answer all of my community questions using something called pendulum divination.

Basically -- I say “basically,” but there is absolutely nothing basic about all of this -- Madame Christine holds the pendulum in one hand and dangles it over the other, palm up. After I ask a question, Madame Christine closes her eyes and, no joke, the pendulum starts to spin either clockwise or counter-clockwise.
If the pendulum spins clockwise the answer to the question is “yes.” Contrarily, if the pendulum swings counter-clockwise, the answer is “no.”

Now, I never really believed in any of this psychic craziness, but, let me just tell you, after meeting with Madame Christine, I am a believer! True, Madame Christine could have been moving the pendulum herself, but I saw that thing swinging like crazy with my very eyes, and her hand was perfectly still. It was some crazy shlt, I'll tell you that right now.

So let's get to the very specific (and super fun!) E3 prediction questions! (Thanks again for all the amazing input -- you guys rule!)

KyleGamgee asks: Will Rare announce Killer Instinct for PSN/XBLA?
The pendulum responds: Yes.

MrSadistic asks: Will Sony announce The Lost and Damned (GTA IV expansion) for the PlayStation 3?
The pendulum responds: Yes.

Pedrovay2003 asks: Will Nintendo announce it is publishing Fatal Frame IV in the US and Europe?
The pendulum responds: No.

SilverDragon1979 asks: Will Capcom announce a new Strider game for the Xbox 360 and the PS3 that will release a couple of months after a remake of the original Strider game for PSN and XBLA?
The pendulum responds: Yes.

SilverDragon1979 asks: Will Nintendo announce a new Star Fox game?
The pendulum responds: Yes.
Wii it have online multiplayer support?
The pendulum responds: No.

SilverDragon1979 asks: Will Sony decide to add a party system and cross-game XMB voice chat to the PlayStation 3?
The pendulum responds: A strong yes.

SilverDragon1979 asks: Will Sega announce a new, current generation Ecco the Dolphin game?
The pendulum responds: No.
[Editor's note: A girl can dream...]

Tubatic asks: Will a new Mega Man 2D side-scroller be announced?
The pendulum responds: Yes.

AKK asks: Will No More Heroes 2 be playable?
The pendulum responds: Yes.

eternalplayer2345 asks: Will Rare announce Blast Corps 2?
The pendulum responds: Yes.
[Editor's note: Huh?]

eternalplayer2345 asks: Will Sin and Punishment 2 finally get a release date?
The pendulum responds: Yes.

Mirax asks: Will the new Zelda game for the Wii be at least mentioned?
The pendulum responds: Yes.

Bluexy asks: Will Square-Enix finally announce their new MMO?
The pendulum responds: Yes.

Bluexy asks: Will Heroes of Telara, from Trion, be the surprise hit MMO announcement?
The pendulum responds: Yes.

Sweetchuck asks: Will LostWinds be announced as a full retail game?
The pendulum responds: No.

FalconReaper asks: Will Square Enix announce the release date of Kingdom Hearts: 358/2 Days?
The pendulum responds: Yes.
What about Kingdom Hearts: Birth by Sleep?
The pendulum responds: No.
Or better yet, will they announce Kingdom Hearts 3?
The pendulum responds: No.

HarassmentPanda asks: Will Sony drop the price on the PlayStation 3?
The pendulum responds: A very weak yes.

Takeshi asks: Will there be any HUGE unexpected exclusives revealed?
The pendulum responds: Yes.

Takeshi asks: Will Microsoft reveal the new Xbox?
The pendulum responds: Yes.

Takeshi asks: Will Sony reveal the new PSP?
The pendulum responds: Yes.
What about the rumored PS3 slim?
The pendulum responds: No.

HydroTonix asks: Will Team ICO reveal its new game?
The pendulum responds: Yes.
[Editor's note: As we know, this is already pretty much official.]

BS3 Owner asks: Will a brand new Yakuza game for the PlayStation 3 that is set in the West be revealed?
The pendulum responds: No.

DanlHaas asks: Will we see Fallout: New Vegas?
The pendulum responds: No.

DanlHaas asks: Will Capcom announce yet another retro-style game to follow up Mega Man 9?
The pendulum responds: A strong yes.

Daxelman asks: Will Platinum Games announce a spiritual successor to Okami?
The pendulum responds: No.

Corak asks: Will a Destructoid editor get lost on the way back to their hotel and meet another strange homeless person?
The pendulum responds: No.
[Editor's note: Whew!]

Corak asks: Will there be swine flu masks for sale at inflated prices, perhaps branded with developer logos?
The pendulum responds: No.

LK4O4 asks: Will Capcom announce a US version of Tatsunoko vs. Capcom?
The pendulum responds: A strong yes.
[Editor's note: Again, this has already been leaked.]

Artemus asks: Will Accolade rise from the grave and announce a new Bubsy game?
The pendulum responds: No.

Puppy Licks asks: Will LucasArts announce a new Full Throttle game?
The pendulum responds: No.

Garrison asks: Will Nintendo release Mother 3 on the DS?
The pendulum responds: Yes.

gatorsax2010 asks: Will all the recent 3D Realms/Duke Nukem Forever revelations turn out to be some elaborate marketing scheme?
The pendulum responds: No.

gatorsax2010 asks: Will 2K have someone in a creepy Big Sister costume roaming the floor?
The pendulum responds: Yes.

CelicaCrazed asks: Is there a Sega Dreamcast 2 in existence?
The pendulum responds: No.

CelicaCrazed asks: Will a new 2D Sonic game for PSN/Xbox Live/WiiWare be announced?
The pendulum responds: Yes.

Tubatic asks: Will Dragon Quest IX make an appearance this year?
The pendulum responds: Yes.
[Editor's (selfish) note: It better!]

DanGale asks: Will we see anything of a new F-Zero?
The pendulum responds: No.

DanGale asks: Will Mirror's Edge 2 be officially announced?
The pendulum responds: Yes.

DanGale asks: Will a new Treasure game be announced?
The pendulum responds: Yes.
Will it be Project RS3?
The pendulum responds: No.

kagatoASUKA89 asks: Will Modern Warfare 2 be playable?
The pendulum responds: No.

Guagloves asks: Will Nintendo announce a Paper Mario game for the DS?
The pendulum responds: No.

Guagloves asks: Will Microsoft reveal a motion controller?
The pendulum responds: Yes.
Will it have a game developed by Rare packed in with the device?
The pendulum responds: No.

Guagloves asks: Will Eternal Darkness 2 get announced?
The pendulum responds: No.

Cowboy TTop asks: Will Assassin's Creed 2 be playable?
The pendulum responds: No.

Tha Meat asks: Will Apple be at E3 promoting the iPhone/iPod Touch's gaming capabilities?
The pendulum responds: A strong yes.

Eagle 88 asks: Any new information on Valkyria Chronicles?
The pendulum responds: Yes.
A sequel?
The pendulum responds: Yes.
More DLC?
The pendulum responds: Yes.

Perri asks: Will Red Steel 2 be playable?
The pendulum responds: Yes.

Perri asks: Will EA announce an exercise game for Microsoft's rumored motion device?
The pendulum responds: No.

Perri asks: Will God of War III be playable?
The pendulum responds: Yes.

And, finally, a few from me:

Was the recent announcement of the Metroid Prime Trilogy for the Wii planned to coincide with the shocking announcement of a brand new Metroid game?
The pendulum responds: Yes.

Will Pikmin 3 be playable?
The pendulum responds: No.
[Editor's note: BOO!]

Even though Ubisoft said there would be no Beyond Good & Evil at the show, will Beyond Good & Evil 2 make a surprise appearance?
The pendulum responds: Yes.

Pretty gosh darn interesting, huh?

While some of these predictions may seem obvious (the announcement of the new PSP), others come as a huge surprise (Strider game!). And some ... well, no offense to the psychic ... but some of these don't have a chance in hell of being true (a Blast Corps sequel? Really?). But, then again, who am I to question the power of the spirits?

After all of this (epic) information, what do you think? Do you think Madame Christine of the Ether was dead-on, or does she need to throw away all those magic crystals? Which predictions do you think are the most accurate? The most insane? There is only one more week before we find out exactly what will happen at E3. Will Madame Christine reveal how gifted she truly is ... or will I not be calling her back for another reading next year?