10-25-2009, 07:56 AM
If your gonna rhyme in ABAB, you should atleast try to match up the syllable count as closely as possible, yours goes 8-6-8-7-11-8-11-8...ect. Also, try to avoid cliche's like rhyming day with away, and using words that don't fit like "bestow" and "amiss", its easy to tell your using rhyme zone. 
Nonetheless, you should keep at it, you do have a voice, just make sure you hone it.
Nonetheless, you should keep at it, you do have a voice, just make sure you hone it.
