09-20-2008, 05:15 AM
If this is meant to make the reader feel like he has to repent for burning gay people, then congratulations.
I always read a poem more than once, the first time not thinking about anything, just letting the words wash over me and see if it stirs anything in me.
This was hard to read not only because of the subject, but because... IT'S HARD TO READ. The line cutting makes little sense in some places, like
"I'm that guy sought after by girls because he
doesn't just want a fuck."
Line cutting either goes with the ideas(whole ideas in one line) or the words(for breathing), so I feel the cut should have been before "because" either way.
It feels like you've betrayed us by promising us rhymes in the first stanza, and then abandoning rhymes in the following stanzas. Rhyme or don't rhyme, but when you decide to do one, stick to it the whole poem.
It's hard to define what poems are good and not, and it's usually up to the reader, but for me this poem does nothing. It just says "I'm a distinguished gentleman, feel bad for me"
Sorry, bro, but I guess shit like this can't be avoided with such a subject.
I always read a poem more than once, the first time not thinking about anything, just letting the words wash over me and see if it stirs anything in me.
This was hard to read not only because of the subject, but because... IT'S HARD TO READ. The line cutting makes little sense in some places, like
"I'm that guy sought after by girls because he
doesn't just want a fuck."
Line cutting either goes with the ideas(whole ideas in one line) or the words(for breathing), so I feel the cut should have been before "because" either way.
It feels like you've betrayed us by promising us rhymes in the first stanza, and then abandoning rhymes in the following stanzas. Rhyme or don't rhyme, but when you decide to do one, stick to it the whole poem.
It's hard to define what poems are good and not, and it's usually up to the reader, but for me this poem does nothing. It just says "I'm a distinguished gentleman, feel bad for me"
Sorry, bro, but I guess shit like this can't be avoided with such a subject.