01-01-2011, 02:49 AM
As for sentence structure and whatnot, you are using a lot of periods where commas could easily go, creating sentences that are only about 6 or 7 words long. It makes it pretty awkward to read, and feels rushed overall.
Paragraphs are your friend, I got lost a couple times reading this.
Characters, the fact that wario and waluigi are at their enemies birthday party bugs me, let alone that they are helping after they get attacked and not running away like they do in every game ever.
Paragraphs are your friend, I got lost a couple times reading this.
Characters, the fact that wario and waluigi are at their enemies birthday party bugs me, let alone that they are helping after they get attacked and not running away like they do in every game ever.
![[Image: veromsig.png]](http://a.imageshack.us/img64/6533/veromsig.png)