Lia

[Damian.]

Some cleavage on her collarbone.
Sure guy, that makes perfect sense.

I don't even know where to start with this. You might be aware of the existence of ribcages. It's where people - even women - keep their lungs. You seem to have replaced it with perfectly spherical sacks of fat hanging off of her collarbone.
Don't do that.

But just next time leave the sarcasm... It doesn't motivate me to improve my work and doesn't make me respect you more.
Don't do that.

I agree, you didn't need to do it like that. Next time try to be concise and direct without coming over as a smart arse.

There are a few things that catch my eye. Firstly, the cut on the tee shirt seems too perfect to be torn, although it could be a parting in which case maybe make it a bit smaller.

I also don't like the highlight on the bandanna, there's to much contrast. So maybe try to bring it down a bit. I'm not even sure you need it tbh. It depends on the material, higher contrast would be better for a silk like material, I don't think thats what your going for.

The biggest problem I find with this PA is the facial anatomy. Theres a lot going on there, the eye isn't in perspective and possibly to big.The shading should be used to show a bit more form and dimension. At the moment it looks a bit flat.

I hope that helps.