07-28-2011, 03:43 PM
I just hate my life in general. All the shit that happened in my life made me a cynical asshole who basically hates life and everybody, and it isn't helped by the fact that I have autistic tendencies. Although that might have been the cause of me becoming a cynical asshole.
Also doesn't help that I constantly make shit over the internet only to never get the appreciation I want, or at least I could use. Sure, there are some people who appreciate Turbo Model Thingy (seriously, without it, Flan couldn't have made the Planes mod for Minecraft), but those are only modders. I also don't feel appreciated as a spriter. I mean, I'm not the best spriter, heck, I'm not even a spriter, but I do have the feeling that I'm not recognized for what I do. It's like I don't even matter in this whole goddamn world.
I mean, I try to please everybody, or at least enough people, but when is it enough? When can I stop adjusting to what other people want to fit in with the rest? Even here I feel like an outcast, due to my difference in preferences when it comes to stuff like movies, television series, games or music. I mean, hell, I'm probably the only one here who has an appreciation for Justin Bieber, and that tells a lot about how much I differ from the general consensus.
It's not even that I want to be the one outside the box, hell, I want to be like everybody else. But sometimes, you don't just have a choice. Most people here can easily find a job, can easily get a girlfriend, or at least can finish a goddamn study. I have achieved none of the above. Sure, I once did get a job, but that was only for a half year. Since then I never had one.
To top it all off, I think I actually do have a depression. Not the feeling down kind of depression, but the one that can be diagnosed. Aside from the always feeling tired even when I did get a good night sleep, I feel like I never have the energy to do anything, not even hanging out on the Internet or enjoy a video game. Video games are a way for people to wind down, but I just can't seem to enjoy them anymore. In fact, all of the above I mentioned are part of the symptoms of clinical depression, and that without me even knowing that (I just looked it up on Wikipedia).
So yeah, it's a wonder I actually get out nowadays.
Also doesn't help that I constantly make shit over the internet only to never get the appreciation I want, or at least I could use. Sure, there are some people who appreciate Turbo Model Thingy (seriously, without it, Flan couldn't have made the Planes mod for Minecraft), but those are only modders. I also don't feel appreciated as a spriter. I mean, I'm not the best spriter, heck, I'm not even a spriter, but I do have the feeling that I'm not recognized for what I do. It's like I don't even matter in this whole goddamn world.
I mean, I try to please everybody, or at least enough people, but when is it enough? When can I stop adjusting to what other people want to fit in with the rest? Even here I feel like an outcast, due to my difference in preferences when it comes to stuff like movies, television series, games or music. I mean, hell, I'm probably the only one here who has an appreciation for Justin Bieber, and that tells a lot about how much I differ from the general consensus.
It's not even that I want to be the one outside the box, hell, I want to be like everybody else. But sometimes, you don't just have a choice. Most people here can easily find a job, can easily get a girlfriend, or at least can finish a goddamn study. I have achieved none of the above. Sure, I once did get a job, but that was only for a half year. Since then I never had one.
To top it all off, I think I actually do have a depression. Not the feeling down kind of depression, but the one that can be diagnosed. Aside from the always feeling tired even when I did get a good night sleep, I feel like I never have the energy to do anything, not even hanging out on the Internet or enjoy a video game. Video games are a way for people to wind down, but I just can't seem to enjoy them anymore. In fact, all of the above I mentioned are part of the symptoms of clinical depression, and that without me even knowing that (I just looked it up on Wikipedia).
So yeah, it's a wonder I actually get out nowadays.