09-29-2011, 04:39 PM
(This post was last modified: 09-29-2011, 05:19 PM by PrettyNier.)
feeling an overwhelming sense of nihilism at the moment.
the living situation i've been in pretty much sucks and there isn't really anything i can change about it right now. i don't get enough hours at work on a consistent basis - usually just 4 days a month (which translates to about $300) to be able to support myself if i tried moving out, especially in the area that i live in now because its expensive as balls to live in. unfortunately, i can't drive - i haven't had the opportunity to learn, nor do i have any opportunity to change that any time soon - so i can't move somewhere cheaper without having to quit the job i have, which sounds quite a bit like jumping out of the frying pan into the fire. school also limits the total amount of hours i can work. which brings up another issue: i don't have room for all of the school stuff i have and maintaining some kind of organization system isn't really feasible. my room is crowded enough as is, and getting rid of stuff or re-arranging isn't really an option because this arrangement is the closest to a functional one there is.
even then, motivating myself to give enough of a damn to try and clean or organize it on anything more than superficial level is pretty impossible, even if only for the petty reason that i detest this place and cant even pretend to have any kind of respect for it.
and then there is the fact that my computer just isnt good enough to do what i need it to do for school, making it difficult to give any kind of a fuck about doing things relevant for it at any time but the absolute last minute.
my eyes are also going bad. its getting to the point that i need glasses, but i don't have any way of getting glasses right now. and that, too, is impacting my ability to do things in school because even in the front row i still can't always read whats on the board.
tl;dr:
i'm being vague and i feel like a prisoner because fuck circumstances
and now my debit card is missing. fucking shit
the living situation i've been in pretty much sucks and there isn't really anything i can change about it right now. i don't get enough hours at work on a consistent basis - usually just 4 days a month (which translates to about $300) to be able to support myself if i tried moving out, especially in the area that i live in now because its expensive as balls to live in. unfortunately, i can't drive - i haven't had the opportunity to learn, nor do i have any opportunity to change that any time soon - so i can't move somewhere cheaper without having to quit the job i have, which sounds quite a bit like jumping out of the frying pan into the fire. school also limits the total amount of hours i can work. which brings up another issue: i don't have room for all of the school stuff i have and maintaining some kind of organization system isn't really feasible. my room is crowded enough as is, and getting rid of stuff or re-arranging isn't really an option because this arrangement is the closest to a functional one there is.
even then, motivating myself to give enough of a damn to try and clean or organize it on anything more than superficial level is pretty impossible, even if only for the petty reason that i detest this place and cant even pretend to have any kind of respect for it.
and then there is the fact that my computer just isnt good enough to do what i need it to do for school, making it difficult to give any kind of a fuck about doing things relevant for it at any time but the absolute last minute.
my eyes are also going bad. its getting to the point that i need glasses, but i don't have any way of getting glasses right now. and that, too, is impacting my ability to do things in school because even in the front row i still can't always read whats on the board.
tl;dr:
i'm being vague and i feel like a prisoner because fuck circumstances
and now my debit card is missing. fucking shit