04-21-2012, 01:07 PM
Hi TSR,
It finally happened. Yes, I've been busted and am on lock down for the next couple of months. Luckily not by the police, that would make this situation far worse than it is. Needless to say, I have to bounce from the internet for a bit because my access is severely limited by my parents who have turned my home into a police state.
For those who have no idea what I'm talking about, I'll briefly explain because I'm not proud of any of this in the slightest. Most have you have seen me posting about my "party" life here and there in both the happy and unhappy topics, well I took things a bit too far. In reality none of this was "partying", rather it was self medicating in public and in an acceptable place to do so where I wouldn't be looked upon as doing something "wrong". I have some conditions I'd rather not explain, so we'll label them all has "intense depression", because that sums up what they do to me which is what leads me to alcohol abuse. I am an alcoholic, and I am not proud of it. I am also a substance abusing fool and am in no way proud of that either. My "friends"(who I'm severely revising right now) did nothing to stop me from reaching this point. But why would they? They knew nothing about my problems. They simply took this as "HE'S GOING HARD! TOTAL PARTY GUY HERE", and I won't lie it brought me a lot of joy. I was well received at parties because of it, I was "friends" with basically everyone and everyone liked having me around. Because I could do these things that they couldn't because they made them sick or they were afraid to do....and for good reason. Needless to say I realize now that these are not the kinds of people I should have been associating with especially with my "fragile" state. I embraced something that I wasn't and shouldn't be, hell I nearly died every couple of weekends in miscellaneous ways due to my ignorance and attempt to "medicate".
Anyway, last Friday a good "friend" of mine was having an open house party for her birthday since her parents were out of town. I was invited, and showed up early. We sat around and hung out waiting for people to show up, and as they did I became more and more self-conscience and began taking jager bombs(far too many in way too short a time). I was on my ass in a matter of 45 minutes, completely drunk and out of control. I barely remember the night, all I know is I pissed some guys off, got into a fight woke up with a black eye and was missing an eyebrow. That's right they shaved off my fucking eyebrow. That's when I knew my cover was blown about where I was for the night, and on top of it my friend who had to drive me home had lost his keys, so I was late coming home and late to work. Some fucking "friends" I have, right?
I came home wreaking of liquor, beaten up, missing an eyebrow and on top of it I was late. Obviously my parents took my ass to the cleaners'. Now I can't keep my own money, because my parents don't trust what I'll do with it(yes I'm 5 again guys!), I'm not allowed to leave the house until June, oh and this all could've been avoided even though my eyebrow is missing and my eye was black and so on .... IF I ONLY TOLD THE TRUTH ABOUT WHERE I WAS GOING! At least then they would've known I was safe. It's still pending whether or not I'll be randomly drug tested, right now I'll pass if they do. I don't intend on going back and I believe I'm to see a therapist soon to talk about my "problems" and get all this sorted out. All I can say is thank God they caught me with this one and not one of the times where my friends wanted to take me to the hospital because of everything I've done to myself.
In short guys, if you have "complications", don't self medicate. As obvious as it should've been for me, drugs and alcohol actually aren't the answer. Be honest with your parents because you'll be surprised how respectful and open minded they may actually be (despite in what they portray themselves as). I fell down and this time no one was there to help me up and keep me safe. I'm honestly lucky to be alive at this point, given my past. I may actually start going to a rehab type of set-up to make sure that I keep myself in line, may be it's time I go back to the psychiatrist and get some meds for my other problems. All I know is, is that I can't keep going down the life path I'm on because the end of the road is really fucking close.
P.S. Again my parents are policing everything, including my phone and facebook. So please no posts on my wall about this, and for those of you who have my number ABSOLUTELY NO TEXTS!
ALSO, I still DO have access to my xbox! So if anyone is up for a few games of UMvC3 please send me a party invite or something! I'll try and post here as often as I can but again my internet access is severely limited.
It finally happened. Yes, I've been busted and am on lock down for the next couple of months. Luckily not by the police, that would make this situation far worse than it is. Needless to say, I have to bounce from the internet for a bit because my access is severely limited by my parents who have turned my home into a police state.
For those who have no idea what I'm talking about, I'll briefly explain because I'm not proud of any of this in the slightest. Most have you have seen me posting about my "party" life here and there in both the happy and unhappy topics, well I took things a bit too far. In reality none of this was "partying", rather it was self medicating in public and in an acceptable place to do so where I wouldn't be looked upon as doing something "wrong". I have some conditions I'd rather not explain, so we'll label them all has "intense depression", because that sums up what they do to me which is what leads me to alcohol abuse. I am an alcoholic, and I am not proud of it. I am also a substance abusing fool and am in no way proud of that either. My "friends"(who I'm severely revising right now) did nothing to stop me from reaching this point. But why would they? They knew nothing about my problems. They simply took this as "HE'S GOING HARD! TOTAL PARTY GUY HERE", and I won't lie it brought me a lot of joy. I was well received at parties because of it, I was "friends" with basically everyone and everyone liked having me around. Because I could do these things that they couldn't because they made them sick or they were afraid to do....and for good reason. Needless to say I realize now that these are not the kinds of people I should have been associating with especially with my "fragile" state. I embraced something that I wasn't and shouldn't be, hell I nearly died every couple of weekends in miscellaneous ways due to my ignorance and attempt to "medicate".
Anyway, last Friday a good "friend" of mine was having an open house party for her birthday since her parents were out of town. I was invited, and showed up early. We sat around and hung out waiting for people to show up, and as they did I became more and more self-conscience and began taking jager bombs(far too many in way too short a time). I was on my ass in a matter of 45 minutes, completely drunk and out of control. I barely remember the night, all I know is I pissed some guys off, got into a fight woke up with a black eye and was missing an eyebrow. That's right they shaved off my fucking eyebrow. That's when I knew my cover was blown about where I was for the night, and on top of it my friend who had to drive me home had lost his keys, so I was late coming home and late to work. Some fucking "friends" I have, right?
I came home wreaking of liquor, beaten up, missing an eyebrow and on top of it I was late. Obviously my parents took my ass to the cleaners'. Now I can't keep my own money, because my parents don't trust what I'll do with it(yes I'm 5 again guys!), I'm not allowed to leave the house until June, oh and this all could've been avoided even though my eyebrow is missing and my eye was black and so on .... IF I ONLY TOLD THE TRUTH ABOUT WHERE I WAS GOING! At least then they would've known I was safe. It's still pending whether or not I'll be randomly drug tested, right now I'll pass if they do. I don't intend on going back and I believe I'm to see a therapist soon to talk about my "problems" and get all this sorted out. All I can say is thank God they caught me with this one and not one of the times where my friends wanted to take me to the hospital because of everything I've done to myself.
In short guys, if you have "complications", don't self medicate. As obvious as it should've been for me, drugs and alcohol actually aren't the answer. Be honest with your parents because you'll be surprised how respectful and open minded they may actually be (despite in what they portray themselves as). I fell down and this time no one was there to help me up and keep me safe. I'm honestly lucky to be alive at this point, given my past. I may actually start going to a rehab type of set-up to make sure that I keep myself in line, may be it's time I go back to the psychiatrist and get some meds for my other problems. All I know is, is that I can't keep going down the life path I'm on because the end of the road is really fucking close.
P.S. Again my parents are policing everything, including my phone and facebook. So please no posts on my wall about this, and for those of you who have my number ABSOLUTELY NO TEXTS!
ALSO, I still DO have access to my xbox! So if anyone is up for a few games of UMvC3 please send me a party invite or something! I'll try and post here as often as I can but again my internet access is severely limited.