Posts: 500
Threads: 6
Joined: Apr 2012
05-15-2012, 12:58 AM
(This post was last modified: 05-15-2012, 01:23 AM by alexmach1.)
many lols were had. very entertaining, atm i dont see any errors because its 11PM and im tired. actually, i removed some syllables and minor errors. still tired.
(05-15-2012, 12:32 AM)[Cokealorum] Wrote: The trouble started after a book -9
A book, I might add, with a quite clever hook -11
A Brief History in Time by a mister Steve Hawkins -14
Less blasphemous than, say one by Rick Dawkins -11
My mother stood flabbergasted, gasping in awe -12
This Big Bang book was the very last straw -10
Big Bang? Evolution? You believe in such trash? -12
My mother had asked me, and was rather brash -11
Unwilling to lie, I told her the truth -10
But to her, my retort seemed rather uncouth -11
I tried as I might to remain quite polite -11
But with my mom a disagreement always ends in a fight -15
To her atheism was something quite vile -10
And of course it was met with flat out denial -11
But Loretta Gillespie isn't known for leniency -14
As she tried to slap me when asking for decency -13
To respect my opinion as a true human would -13
Which evidently, is not something she could -11
I grabbed her hand, before she could hit me -10
And tried to leave the house ever so quickly -11
And by my collar she dragged me back in -10
This, I thought, was when the fun would begin -10
A hypocrite, she called me, for attending youth sessions -13
However I told her, I was there for the lessons. -13
While I lacked the belief in a giant sky fairy -13
The teachings themselves weren't so contrary -10
The teachings of Christ, I myself had respected -12
Had he even existed, I then recollected. -13
The teachings of Mohammed and Buddha, I also praise -14
This Jesus Christ figure, isn't the only one to amaze -15
I'd attend a mosque or a temple, and attempt to converse -15
But unfortunately Dumas, Arkansas isn't very diverse -17
My father came home, and more yelling ensued -11
No matter what I say, I was pretty much screwed -12
My mother, sobbing, fearing damnation should I die -13
And it was the first time I had seen my dear father cry -14
My mom viewed my books with incredible scorn -11
"I'd rather it'd be a pile of porn" -10
She was contemplating throwing them out -10
The fact that I bought them, was not in account -11
As I rebuked everyone of their comforting lies -13
They decided to send me to one who was wise -12
Brought to my grandpa, so we could have a discussion -13
I had hatched a nice plan to avoid repercussion. -13
I would still feign belief in their make believe god -12
And even today, I have still kept this facade -12
To tell a lie that would completely consume my heart -13
Is worth keeping my family from tearing apart -13
Now if you plan to repeat this, I urge you to quit -13
For if my parents find out, I'm in some serious.....Trouble. -14/15
friendly tip, rhyming lines should share similar syllable count, lest they sound out of place
also, i noticed that your syllable count is uneven, so consistency and even numbers also factor in.
of course, you have every right to ignore me as i am getting a D in english because i hate that class...