05-21-2012, 08:37 PM
A quick basic critique from what I gathered upon scanning the "letter"
Number one biggest concern is that it sounds like dialogue, at one point he even says "Now as I speak of the future".
Secondly, you should never use exclamation points in writing ever unless someone is shouting.
Thirdly, and this only applies to if he is writing, it usually is not a good idea to repeat words.
Furthermore, the entire "letter" bounces around from on topic to another. There are many meaningful and sentimental points, but they don't connect with each other very well.
In some cases even the transitions do not relate to the topic, at one point the king says "Now as I speak of the future, I am reminded of myself and my youth", and then goes on to talk of children in general, which is a completely different thing.
These are just a couple of quick pointers to help you on your way to becoming a "pro writer", I hope they help.
Number one biggest concern is that it sounds like dialogue, at one point he even says "Now as I speak of the future".
Secondly, you should never use exclamation points in writing ever unless someone is shouting.
Thirdly, and this only applies to if he is writing, it usually is not a good idea to repeat words.
Furthermore, the entire "letter" bounces around from on topic to another. There are many meaningful and sentimental points, but they don't connect with each other very well.
In some cases even the transitions do not relate to the topic, at one point the king says "Now as I speak of the future, I am reminded of myself and my youth", and then goes on to talk of children in general, which is a completely different thing.
These are just a couple of quick pointers to help you on your way to becoming a "pro writer", I hope they help.
![[Image: Little_lamp_in_dark_room.jpg]](http://fc09.deviantart.net/fs4/i/2004/228/2/3/Little_lamp_in_dark_room.jpg)