Haiku's Quest Revamped

[alexmach1]

here's a decent writing tip: unless there is a detail the reader can notice easily, something the character would normally do, or dialogue, do not use "X failed to notice X". also, always look for opportunities to shorten/combine sentences that either happen quickly or have little to no action, ie
"As it writhes in pain Haiku fails to notice it’s tail. With its dying breath the dragon hits Haiku with a mighty blow."
could have been
"As the dragon writhed in pain, it used its dying breath to hit haiku with a mighty blow from its tail."

then, replace verbs/adjectives with more descriptive/powerful synonyms and add details to the actions, ie
"As the dragon thrashed about from the intense pain, it used its remaining strength to launch haiku with a devastating whip of its tail."

this way, paragraphs that have action seem more intense.