the poop happens world we live in thread 2XXX

[Mutsukki]

hello feeling of uselessness, how are you doing. It's been a while.

It's fucking hard to get out this condition when my lazy self just can't do shit to get out of it. Why is it so hard? Do I lack willpower? Motivation? Am I too deep in my comfort zone? That's probably it.

This has like, lasted for maybe half a year, and I still can't do shit about it, and I just fucking graduated, why do I feel like I didn't earn this achievement? Why am I incapable of being proud of myself and, you know, be happy, instead of thinking how much of a lazy ass piece of shit I will forever be because I can't fucking get myself to do nothing, unless it's mindless forced stuff like going to class or going to the gym. I'm not able to just lie in bed all day, because I would die of boredom, so I force myself out of it, to be on the internet doing nothing most of the time. I'm failing to see how is that any different, because I'm not getting any shit done both ways.

You know what freaking rages me the most? I know what's wrong. I probably know how to fix it. I just can't. It's like, seeing some small fire or someone falling and do nothing about it, even thought it's right in front of you and can be solved. I probably like to play victim too, maybe this what this post is about, while I constantly update it. I'm a really bad and selfish person. I have really few bad things happening in my life right now, most of them are not even related to me, aside from this, why the fuck am I unmotivated as hell.

I just, don't know. I don't fucking understand myself, what to do with my life and I'm just very angry right now. I'm sorry, I needed to vent this somewhere. I think I'm getting calmer