02-04-2013, 05:47 AM
I didn't read it but thought I should post the usual:
Formatting. When posting such script-like things, use bold and cursive to give the text a better structure so the reader doesn't get lost in a wall of lines. I usually use bold for the name of whoever speaks and cursive for non-spoken text and action descriptions.
That aside there are lots of grammar and general wording problems, I assume you are no native english speaker.
It may also be a good idea to structure your text into shorter chapters.
Quote:Katari then change his plans to lure Atom and Inspector Tawashi to his hideout alone, otherwise the "Flower of Life" will be burnt.
With this, he expect Alexa to kill Atom since he is unable to fight humans.
To make things worse, Mimi only have 12 hours of life if the antidote is not given...
Atom looks at a ring and cries...
Atom (crying): Why everything had to end like that?
Atom then remembers of somebody's final words...
"Please, give that ring for her once she awoke up."
There is a special reason for having that ring in his hands and is the reason which now Atom cries...
Everything started at Dr. Ochanomizu's house...
Atom (getting ready to leave): Well, I'm off!
Robita: Atom, do not forget to take a energy capsule with you.
You may need it later!
Atom (getting the energy capsule): Thanks, Robita!
I'll make sure to use it when my energy goes low.
Formatting. When posting such script-like things, use bold and cursive to give the text a better structure so the reader doesn't get lost in a wall of lines. I usually use bold for the name of whoever speaks and cursive for non-spoken text and action descriptions.
That aside there are lots of grammar and general wording problems, I assume you are no native english speaker.
It may also be a good idea to structure your text into shorter chapters.