Again Thor, I greatly appreciate all you've done to help me out. There is no doubt that your suggestions and version of her are better than mine. =)
I did my best to update mine with your suggestions. I am a bit worried though that I maybe did things too closely to yours. It was hard in a lot of cases to improve it like you did, but in a way that was different. I'm honestly still very new to getting this level of quality critique, and I would like to know if I perhaps went too far and mimicked your alterations too much. If so, I'll happily go back to what I originally had and attempt a more original version.
I did my best to update mine with your suggestions. I am a bit worried though that I maybe did things too closely to yours. It was hard in a lot of cases to improve it like you did, but in a way that was different. I'm honestly still very new to getting this level of quality critique, and I would like to know if I perhaps went too far and mimicked your alterations too much. If so, I'll happily go back to what I originally had and attempt a more original version.