05-29-2015, 09:17 AM
I couldnt agree more with Gors.
It doesnt look like a story at all, It looks like you just wrote down your thoughts as though you were literally talking to us. You could have just edited mistakes instead of just writing....
Its pretty clear you havent written a story before. Try making a web of your ideas on a piece of paper and write a rough draft of the story. It's supposed to be written as though the reader has no clue what-so-ever about what you're talking about, make it descriptive and write it FORMALLY. Seperate it into different paragraph, each one describing a single idea (plot point). The story you posted is sloppy and unappealing. I couldnt even get through a quarter of it before starting to skim through. Also refer to books or novels and see how they were written to give you a better idea on how a story is supposed to be.
It doesnt look like a story at all, It looks like you just wrote down your thoughts as though you were literally talking to us. You could have just edited mistakes instead of just writing....
Quote:(Kirby, Sorry I forgot, went to the Cooking
section.)
Its pretty clear you havent written a story before. Try making a web of your ideas on a piece of paper and write a rough draft of the story. It's supposed to be written as though the reader has no clue what-so-ever about what you're talking about, make it descriptive and write it FORMALLY. Seperate it into different paragraph, each one describing a single idea (plot point). The story you posted is sloppy and unappealing. I couldnt even get through a quarter of it before starting to skim through. Also refer to books or novels and see how they were written to give you a better idea on how a story is supposed to be.
![[Image: tumblr_mzx6bm02eC1s38z45o1_500.gif]](https://49.media.tumblr.com/79dff5fd663e885b9e12ad775ee09fa7/tumblr_mzx6bm02eC1s38z45o1_500.gif)
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Love