[Story]Spongebob Squarepants[WARNING: Explicit content]

[Chris2Balls [:B]]

SPONGEBOB SEXPANTS
by Fred Bouillabaisse

Spongebob Squarepants, children's celebrity of the eponymous program, resident of Bikini Bottom, has been arrested for illegal possession of pornographic material, homosexuality, zoophilia, domestic harassment, and illegal trade and poaching of jellyfish. The sponge was caught masturbating in front of his home PC, with black market pornography tapes all around him. It is very likely most were involving underaged fish.
Mr Squarepants lives alone in his house, with his pet snail Gary. He works at Krusty Krabb, a fast-food restaurant. Neighbours claim that Mr Squarepants is "a rather odd, solitary sponge, who often stays in his house." They say they hear "strange noises" from inside, and there are zoophilia allegations against Spongebob Squarepants, involving the rape of Gary.
Mr Squidworth, his neighbour, believes that he was "followed, harassed, all year long" by Mr Squarepants. Mr Squidworth is quite suspicious on the reasons wherein he was constantly stalked. Apparently, the sponge is "disruptive", and "ruined my clarinet sessions", complains Mr Squidworth. The squid believes that Mr Squarepants has a homosexual relationship with friend Patrick. "They're always together, and sometimes Patrick goes to Spongebobs's house, and Spongebob to Patrick's. I hear strange sounds which my musician's ears aren't used to." In Bikini Bottom, homosexuality is punished by death, for "bien-séance".
Mr Squarepants is involved in the illegal trade of pink jellyfish. "We would go out and hunt the jellyfish weekends, especially in spring", told us a gleeful Patrick. Patrick has been arrested for illegal poaching and trading of pink jellyfish, and collaboration of illegal poaching and trading of pink jellyfish. His sentence is pending.
Mr Krabbs, owner of the Krusty Krabb, is quite surprised by all these stories surrounding Mr Squarepants. Mr Squarepants was "a most hard worker", and an "excellent employee", according to Mr Krabbs. "Well, there was the occasional quarrel, but I'm surprised." Mr Krabbs has been put into bail for corruption charges, from Mr Squarepants's lawyer, Mr Plankton.
The city of Bikini Bottom is in turmoil at the recent happenings. Fish now lock their doors and look at their neighbours in a most suspicious way. Is your neighbour a rapist? A murderer? A sponge? A homosexual? Who knows? If in doubt, contact the police station.


(thanks to Tyvonnosaurus Rex, he inspired me.)