Dear god why?
Number one, please, please oh please stop writing fan fic and go write something original and worthwhile.
That being said, and seeing as how you're writing fan fic anyways, I'd better help you at least write GOOD fan fiction. ><
Don't drive the story with conversations where we don't even know who's talking.
There are too many quotation marks and not enough words outside of them, if you know what I mean.
The exposition was shit.
Where's the descriptions? Give us an idea of whats happening, is it storming horrendously? Is it pitch black?
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!" How cliche. I mean, the captain has no feelings. He just screams out NOOOO. Where is the emotion of the characters?
Give people names, give them faces, give them thoughts, and of utmost importance, give them personality.
I don't care if these are pokemon, have them act as they should.
Kadabra in my mind would be an intelligent being. I don't see him making jokes and being silly. He should be calm and in control.
Likewise with the rest, give them personalities that represent them well.
Alright, rant over. Carry on.
That's what he just said...
Why would they ask his name if they know he's a Treecko?
Why wouldn't they assume that his name is Treecko?
I mean, Infernape's name is Infernape, Gengar's name is Gengar, Kadabra's name is Kadabra. Why would they ask what Treecko's name is?
Seems rather silly, doesn't it?
Number one, please, please oh please stop writing fan fic and go write something original and worthwhile.
That being said, and seeing as how you're writing fan fic anyways, I'd better help you at least write GOOD fan fiction. ><
Don't drive the story with conversations where we don't even know who's talking.
There are too many quotation marks and not enough words outside of them, if you know what I mean.
The exposition was shit.
Where's the descriptions? Give us an idea of whats happening, is it storming horrendously? Is it pitch black?
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!" How cliche. I mean, the captain has no feelings. He just screams out NOOOO. Where is the emotion of the characters?
Give people names, give them faces, give them thoughts, and of utmost importance, give them personality.
I don't care if these are pokemon, have them act as they should.
Kadabra in my mind would be an intelligent being. I don't see him making jokes and being silly. He should be calm and in control.
Likewise with the rest, give them personalities that represent them well.
Alright, rant over. Carry on.
(03-03-2009, 11:47 AM)Z1ggyZ00 Wrote:(03-03-2009, 07:52 AM)Previous Wrote: Whoa what, which boat? I don't know nothing of a boat...3. It's Pokemon mystery dungeon... they asked his name because the other Pokemon have their name as their name. (eg. Infernape's name is Infernape).
Should be "a boat" rather, huh?
i guess "Hold your Ponytas!" would sound pretty discriminative, eh? Like, "Hold your asians" or something. Not good.
i'm wondering why they ask him for a name while they themselfes are called after their pokémon species. Wouldn't make much sence, would it? Just like in the games...
That's what he just said...
Why would they ask his name if they know he's a Treecko?
Why wouldn't they assume that his name is Treecko?
I mean, Infernape's name is Infernape, Gengar's name is Gengar, Kadabra's name is Kadabra. Why would they ask what Treecko's name is?
Seems rather silly, doesn't it?