06-15-2008, 04:55 PM
GrooveMan.exe Wrote:"MAKE HER STOP CRYING!" wailed Xalex. He isn't used to seeing children cry (mainly because I don't cry...much..).
It saddens me that the fist line of the work is what made me not want to read anymore... What really ticked me off was the random person change (from 3rd to 1st), and the terrible use of ellipses.
Please tell me the rest isn't like that.
well, first off, I admire the constructive critism, but yeah, it does swithc between the perspective of Xalex to the perpsective of Ayla, if you even read the begining of this post, you would know, it's not just in perspective of Xalex. I can't control what Sami writes when she writes in perspective of Ayla, but I can control what ever I write.
as for the elipses (thank god, you made me remember that word) I think I do constantly use those, but like I said, I can't control what Sami does, but I can control what I do, so I'll try to use less elipses than I usually do, and I'll try to convince Sami to do the same