So I might have to go on suicide watch due to a recent giant downward spiral in my depressive cycle.

whoo

Best of luck to you.



I guess after a decade of not shedding a single tear it just had to be. It felt weird. Hopwfully now that I'll be busy with university and see other people it'll get better.

Smeg smegging smegging crap of smeg-nation.

The American Wii I bought from ebay is a damn European one. Sure the person has agreed to refund me but this was a birthday present. Damn smegging crap of crap. Hopefully I'll actually GET refunded - but we'll cross that bridge when we get to it.

I look back at my old shit and I can't believe how good at art I was, and now I can't do shit. I'm about to literally cry because I'm trying to go back and finish/touch up my pixels and I can't even fathom being able to do anything I did back then now. Why did I lose myself like that? Literally tearing up.

(10-21-2012, 02:32 PM)chad Wrote: I look back at my old shit and I can't believe how good at art I was, and now I can't do shit. I'm about to literally cry because I'm trying to go back and finish/touch up my pixels and I can't even fathom being able to do anything I did back then now. Why did I lose myself like that? Literally tearing up.

Thanked becuase this is how I feel constantly.

(10-21-2012, 02:32 PM)chad Wrote: I look back at my old shit and I can't believe how good at art I was, and now I can't do shit. I'm about to literally cry because I'm trying to go back and finish/touch up my pixels and I can't even fathom being able to do anything I did back then now. Why did I lose myself like that? Literally tearing up.

I warned you about dat partying bro.

You'll get it back within a month if you stick with it.

OH MY GOD BIO DAD, WHY ARE YOU SUCH A FUCKING ASSHOLE?
Like holy fuck, I told him the reason I'm tired was that I worked all last week, at my OVER NIGHT job and then he just goes "It's probably because of how poorly you eat, you get like no nutritional values, you're the pickiest eater in the world, I mean I wouldn't be proud of it, but I suppose you can, [Insert promotion for his network marketing business] would make you feel healthy."
What the actual fuck, you have no idea what I eat since you're only here a few times a year, and I fucking don't eat slop, and I eat more than you know god damn.
Also, do not demand I get you my uncle's phone number, we don't even get along, and you're just making it worse by trying to get him into your crap network marketing business.
Really mad right now.

All I ever do is make people angry at me.

So I'm mad at myself now

im coughing so much its really starting to hurt
this is the sickest i think ive ever been in my life
if i dont get better soon
i mean, why

Jetters have you gone to a Doctor? You may need an antibiotic, since I went and got mine I'm feeling leaps and bounds better. Typically when you get this sick over the counter meds and natural healing just doesn't cut it. Or it will take an incredibly long time to get even remotely better.

well its a bit complicated
i had a doctor but she kind of left, so we have to find a new one (and one that will take a certain kind of insurance, idk all the details)
but my mother in MD has work and a baby grandson to take care of (while my sister is sick herself) so shes not able to be here hardly ever and if she does she brings the baby and my sister as to not leave them
but the baby cant come in here with me sick and there isnt really any ideal place right nearby for them to stay while mommy takes me
if it came down to an emergency my uncle could probably drive us there but that would only be if he was here and not working too, and mom (grandmother) really prefers not having to go anywhere with him if she can get out of it (for a few reasons i think), so it mainly boils down to having people who can drive places i think
and yes ive tried most everything and it only helps when i take it, maybe for 5-10 minutes after
so far cough drops are the longest lasting relief i have and they dont even last half an hour generally
theyve been trying to give me regular doses of dayquil and nyquil among other things and while those feel good (and taste worse) for a few minutes, as i said they dont help in my recovery so i wonder why bother
nyquil so far hasnt even made me sleepy so i cant exactly rest during the day
tried taking a nap today but i essentially laid there for almost 5 hours as i couldnt really sleep (curse this youthful energy! i never could take daytime naps) and mom keeps it hot as a fricking oven in here because shes older and cant stand cold
so i have to suffer through the day until bedtime so its prob. no wonder im not getting much better
btw i cant go back to sleep in the morning either so i pretty much have to get up at 8 or 9 and it proves to be a rather long day
and yeah your right nothing is helping me, its all extremely temporary and i dont count that as helping
i know the problem isnt gonna go away until i get over this, i just want it to help for longer than a few minutes, thats all i want
but yeah sorry i was mostly just venting here, i know that being sick is always extremely difficult to deal with but im legitimately unsure of how much longer i can deal with this
guess we'll see what tomorrow brings

I don't even know if it's worth it to be alive

oh and also when i asked them to take me to the doctor, that im not getting better they said "we cant take you today, youll have to just tough it out" and "they wont do anything for you besides say get lots of rest and fluids and take your money away"
expected 10/10

(10-22-2012, 10:34 PM)Amon Wrote: I don't even know if it's worth it to be alive

Is it worth it to not be alive?

(10-23-2012, 07:42 AM)Phaze Wrote:

(10-22-2012, 10:34 PM)Amon Wrote: I don't even know if it's worth it to be alive

Is it worth it to not be alive?

probably