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+----- Thread: distinguished gentleman [poetry] (/thread-2249.html)
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RE: distinguished gentleman [poetry] - Oddball - 09-20-2008
(09-20-2008, 12:49 PM)Mr. Buttbutt Wrote: So skip over the only post with actual criticism.
I read it and all that jazz, but I ignored it because I think you missed the point.
Quote:If this is meant to make the reader feel like he has to repent for burning gay people, then congratulations.
I always read a poem more than once, the first time not thinking about anything, just letting the words wash over me and see if it stirs anything in me.
This was hard to read not only because of the subject, but because... IT'S HARD TO READ. The line cutting makes little sense in some places, like
"I'm that guy sought after by girls because he
doesn't just want a fuck."
Line cutting either goes with the ideas(whole ideas in one line) or the words(for breathing), so I feel the cut should have been before "because" either way.
It feels like you've betrayed us by promising us rhymes in the first stanza, and then abandoning rhymes in the following stanzas. Rhyme or don't rhyme, but when you decide to do one, stick to it the whole poem.
It's hard to define what poems are good and not, and it's usually up to the reader, but for me this poem does nothing. It just says "I'm a distinguished gentleman, feel bad for me"
Sorry, bro, but I guess shit like this can't be avoided with such a subject.
Lines cutting is horrible, I know.
I tend to do that too much.
The rhymes in the beginning are supposed to make it seem like a typical flowery poem with pretty words and what not.
Then it becomes more raw and realistic.
It was more of a statement, at the end.
It was a "FOR FUCKS SAKES, YES IM GAY, DEAL WITH IT" moreso than it was a "boo hoo im gay." However, it does buildup to the breaking point with 'boo hoo' stuff.
It was an amalgamation of thoughts, and seeing as it was a late night personal writing, I'm not sure I can expect you to connect with it.
I'm sorry for skipping over your post as I did butt butt, I just get fumed over the smallest things and feel the needs to reply to them.