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Hydrodynamics and Pyromaniacs - Hayzer the Tazer - 06-23-2008
Chapter 1 sucks but the rest are good.
Chapter 1: The Battle of Nazo
“Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!”
A glowing yellow being crashed into the side of Red Mountain. Dust filled the air as the figure regained ground and stood to face his opponent.
A cocky voice came through the dust, “Well, Nazo, I’ve gotta admit. This is pretty fun!”
The figure dashed to Nazo and punched him into the stomach. He then flipped over the writhing pale hedgehog and kneed him in the back of his head.
Nazo recovered from the blow instantaneously and said, “Sonic the Hedgehog, do not think I am actually trying.” he grinned and evil laughter filled the air.
Nazo’s pale fur turned a bright white, practically blinding Sonic. It took the Super hedgehog a few moments to recover.
Nazo roared, “Fear my Hyper form!! Mwahahahaha!”
“Not if I can help it.”
A glowing yellow blast pierced Nazo’s fur enough to draw blood to the surface.
Shadow the Hedgehog stood with his hands out as he launched another Chaos Spear. He kept hitting Nazo right and left. He eventually turned his attention to Sonic who was watching with glee, “Don’t just stand there, idiot! Give me some of the power!”
With that said Sonic stood up from his comfy dirt mound, dusted off his hind-quarters and launched a beam of light at Shadow.
Shadow’s body surged with power as his fur became a pale yellow.
Super Shadow rose into the air. He spread his hands out, “Super Chaos Spear!!”
A bright yellow flash opened from his hands erupting towards the unfortunate bright hedgehog.
The flash covered Nazo’s body and reverted him back into his standard form. He spat, “Guess I’m gonna have to take it up higher!”
This time Nazo flew over to the Master Emerald pushing the red guardian out of the way. “I’m gonna blow you away!” Nazo’s pale body became crimson red. His muscles swelled and his aura was increased tenfold. “How about this, punks?”
Sonic looked over at Shadow, “Well, we’re screwed...”
Shadow rolled his eyes and yelled towards Knuckles, “Power us up with the Super Emeralds!!”
Knuckles quoted, “The servers are the seven Chaos. Chaos is power. Power enriched by the heart. The controller is the one that unifies the Chaos. Chaos! Power up the Chaos Emeralds!”
The Emerald glowed a bright green and there was an image of a dragon flowing through the gem. There was a great burst of energy as Sonic grew a bright white and began flashing the colors of the Chaos Emeralds. Shadow’s red fur became gold, and his former yellow fur became the flashes of the emeralds.
“Well, Shadow, what’s it like to be hyper?” Sonic folded his arms.
“Not bad blue hedgehog, not bad.”
Sonic raised an eyebrow, “Are you color-blind?”
“ENOUGH!!” Nazo roared from above the altar, “Now we fight!!”
At that instant Chaos realized that it was evil energy that pervaded his home. The Chaos Emeralds grew dark and Sonic and Shadow transformed again. The Master Emerald became a dark green. Chaos became poisoned.
Nazo’s power was ripped from him leaving him with his battered body. Unable to preserve his health, Nazo exploded and his energy spread through the ground and skies of Mobius.
Sonic and Shadow were forced to the ground where darkness overtook there bodies. Sonic looked at himself, “Whoa, hold up!” He ran over to the edge of the Emerald Shrine. He saw water, but more importantly his reflection. He thought to himself, “So, Angel Island fell...again...and I’m in my darkspine form...Something’s wrong here.”
There was a loud shatter, “Sonic!” Knuckles ran to his friend, “Chaos broke out of the Master Emerald again!”
Chaos emerged from the shattered remains of the Dark Master Emerald and crept over to Darkspine Sonic and Darkspine Shadow. He snapped his claws. The Dark Emeralds left and scattered around the planet. Sonic and Shadow blacked out and Dark Chaos knocked out Knuckles with one blow. Chaos thought to itself, “Time to find some emeralds.”
CH 2 to be up soon.
RE: Hydrodynamics and Pyromaniacs - Zee - 06-24-2008
So, uh, your description sucks, you never really define the characters, the setting, the time frame, what's going on, why they're fighting, or any reasoning for what you're doing. The 'chapter' was too short, and your style of writing us much like applying a cheese grater to your eyeballs.
Just so you know.
RE: Hydrodynamics and Pyromaniacs - Hayzer the Tazer - 06-24-2008
Zee Wrote:So, uh, your description sucks, you never really define the characters, the setting, the time frame, what's going on, why they're fighting, or any reasoning for what you're doing. The 'chapter' was too short, and your style of writing us much like applying a cheese grater to your eyeballs.
Just so you know.
Like I said, Chapter 1 sucks... Chapter 2 is a whole lot better...
RE: Hydrodynamics and Pyromaniacs - GrooveMan.exe - 06-24-2008
Maybe you should fix chapter 1, before you concern yourself with writing anything else.
And by 'Maybe', I mean 'Do It'.
RE: Hydrodynamics and Pyromaniacs - Hayzer the Tazer - 06-24-2008
GrooveMan.exe Wrote:Maybe you should fix chapter 1, before you concern yourself with writing anything else.
And by 'Maybe', I mean 'Do It'.
Problem with that is I already have the next 3 chapters done ^^
Chapter 2: Order Reborn
There are only two forces in life: Chaos and Order. One can’t exist without the other, but the two can’t live in harmony.
Nazo’s energy was concentrated into the deep earth, to a place where a great evil was sealed off even before Chaos’s “true” power was released and Tikal had sealed him away.
Under Mobius buried by an ancient earthquake long ago, laid to waste by invaders lay a Shrine of powerful gems called Order Rings. These rings were created by the ancients to balance the Chaos energy in the world. But due to a battle that took place, Order was sealed away by a Serpent by the name of Ruin. The Master Ring and the Order Rings have been deactivated for centuries.
Nazo’s power found its way to the Shrine. There were murals around the shrine. Many snake-like creatures bowed down and worshiped what looked like the sun. Nazo redistributed and condensed himself into his Mobian form. “This is the only thing I can do to rid this world of Sonic the Hedgehog...” He placed his hand over the Master Ring and surged his energy into it. Nazo vanished like a leaf in the wind.
Inside the Master Ring Order awoke. He awoke for the first time in centuries. The fire god sat up and looked about his home. He remembered everything that had happened centuries before. He saw Ruin, sacrificing herself to save her people, to live with him. Order searched frantically for her but to no avail. “The energy that awoke me might not have been enough to awake her also,” he thought Then came his destiny. He remembered the blue creature that imprisoned him. His fists shook. “Chaos!!” His sole purpose was to destroy Chaos. His opposite. His hate. He spread his energy to the surrounding Order Rings. They took off like rockets and saw the morning sun again. “Chaos, I’m coming,” Order thought as he climbed up one of the columns the Order Rings carved.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Elsewhere...
“Tell me more about the incident, Sonic.” a familiar purple cat said as he faced Sonic in his office.
Sonic raised an eyebrow, “Are you even smart enough to have this job, Big. A psychiatrist? Don’t you have like an IQ of 30 or something.”
Big looked at Sonic and adjusted his glasses. He whispered to himself and wrote on his tablet, “He seems to have suffered brain trauma causing him to tease and verbally abuse people who talk to him.
Sonic rolled his eyes, “I’m right here!!”
Big jotted down more, “He sees the need to confirm his existence.”
Sonic dropped his eyelids and stood up, “I’m leaving.”
Big wrote more now, “Shows the eagerness to run. He may be returning to his old self.”
Sonic turned around and was being sarcastic, “Thank you Dr. Big...”
“You’re welcome Sonic.”
Sonic walked out of the Doctor’s office wondering how he got there in the first place. He decided to discuss it with Sally. But first he had to find her.
He ran from the office to Castle Acorn hoping she would be there. He knocked on the door, “Sally? Elias? Any of you there?”
Elias opened the door, “Ah, good afternoon Sonic. How can I help you?”
“Is Sally here?”
“No I’m afraid not. She just left actually. I think she was going to Freedom HQ.”
Sonic turned and waved, “Thanks for the tip.”
Sonic could make it there by 2. It was only about 1:59 anyway. Sonic sped off towards Freedom HQ.
On his way he was knocked off his feet by a grayish-blue colored figure. Sonic recovered and looked for his attacker. He was sucker punched another time.
Sonic was getting sick of this, “Who’s there?”
Dark Chaos leaped in front of him. “Hello, Sonic...” Chaos gave a evil smile.
Sonic’s eyes were wide open, “You can talk? You have a mouth? Is there something you never told--ahem--showed us before?”
“No!! I have been reborn as what the great Nazo has given me.”
Sonic interrupted, “The power of speech? The ability to smile? The essence of food coloring?”
Chaos just punched Sonic and walked away, “I have my own destiny. I don’t need an annoyance like you in my path...”
Sonic rubbed his chin, “Ummm...kay?”
Note for those who like length: The next chapter IS longer.
RE: Hydrodynamics and Pyromaniacs - mors ontologica - 06-30-2008
This whole Chaos vs. Order thing having to stay in balance, but fighting is... actually just the game "Primal" on the PS2, but with SONIC.
Which is p. lame...
RE: Hydrodynamics and Pyromaniacs - Hayzer the Tazer - 06-30-2008
mors ontologica Wrote:This whole Chaos vs. Order thing having to stay in balance, but fighting is... actually just the game "Primal" on the PS2, but with SONIC.
Which is p. lame...
1) Never heard of Primal.
2) PS2 sucks...They shouldn't still be making games for it
3) You sound like a Sonic hater.
4) Order is one of my Fan-Chara's made up for this story.
5) I did not base this story off of Primal...
6) And last time I checked stories are lame because they can't walk...;p
RE: Hydrodynamics and Pyromaniacs - Corporal Tom - 06-30-2008
The Sonic the Hedgehog series is way to overrated
RE: Hydrodynamics and Pyromaniacs - Zee - 06-30-2008
So, you still have no idea how to include details, do you?