(05-29-2012, 12:01 PM)Arisa Wrote: what the fuck is this supposed to be



I mean, I've read quite shitty stuff here in tSR, but this takes the prize, really. What is this? Is this a story? Is this a game idea script? I have no fucking idea. In fact, the story is so littered with in-game scripts that completely kills the flow of the story (if it even has one).

Okay, I just read through all this text. There is simply nothing interesting in the story at all, period. Either make a conventional narrative story, or keep those scripts to yourself. No one on tSR wants to read boring stuff.

(05-29-2012, 12:11 PM)TomGuycott Wrote: Needs more Giygas.

(06-03-2012, 10:25 AM)The Pope of Dope Wrote: I tried, I honestly tried reading this and it's awful. I'm sorry, and to be honest calling it awful is a bit of an understatement. Are you writing a play, a game script or narrative? I don't think you understand writing in the slightest.

Chapter 2:The Eerie Woods

Our heroes now exit’s the castle and the castle grounds. They travel a few short miles until they reach Luigi’s Mansion. A boo now flies over to our heroes and laughs. Our heroes get spooked. The boo disappears. Luigi is shivering. Peach and Yoshi run ahead.

Luigi: Wah! (He runs to catch up.)

Our heroes make their way inside the massive mansion and are greeted by a toad.

Toad: Princess. Yoshi. Uh… you! I’m glad you’re all here. Professor E. Gadd has been expecting you. Head to his lab at once.

The heroes enter the lab and encounter E. Gadd...

E. Gadd: Luigi! Good to see you again my green lad. I believe you are the only one to stop our current crisis. Let me start from the beginning. I was in my lab trying to work out the bugs in my time machine; determined not to have another Shroob incident like last time. After months of calculating and experiments I was ready for a little test run. I giggled with glee; once again feeling the anticipation to start up my new and improved machine. Shivers ran up and down my spine as I eagerly pressed the button. Suddenly an alarm sounded. I was blinded by a flash of bright light and fell to the ground from the shock. Something had gone wrong. When I recovered I stood up and noticed something strange. There in front of me lay a portal. A portal to another world, or perhaps even another universe. As I peered through this mysterious portal I witnessed a number of strange things. There was a knight of some sort, donned in green. He was battling alongside a beautiful woman against a menacing sort of fellow with crimson-like hair and a wicked grin. Than the scene changed. I now saw before me a most peculiar-looking elastic pink blob creature. He was wearing red shoes and was sucking his foes into his mouth with speed greater than that of the poltergeist 3000. The really interesting thing to note however was the fact that he transformed in appearance to look like the enemy he had previously inhaled. Not only did he look like his defeated enemy, but he could now mimic their abilities and powers as well. There were many other sites to behold as well. *pauses* Luigi, I’m sure you and your brother have encountered some many strange foes through your adventures in the Mushroom Kingdom, but I must say I have never witnessed creatures quite like this. You must keep your guard up, I don’t know if these characters are a friendly bunch or not. They could be unlike anything you or your brother have ever faced. I have a theory though. If I’m correct than we will have to find some way to communicate with these strange beings in order to stop the current threat of evil that plagues are beloved kingdom. The creatures you encountered earlier may have come from this portal or maybe any other number of portals that are now scattered throughout the land.

Luigi: ...

E. Gadd: I’m afraid that’s correct Luigi. A number of portals formed from this portal due to its instability. I believe there may have been a split in our dimensional fabric that caused the existence of all the other portals ; thus allowing other creatures from other worlds to travel into our world and invade this kingdom. So if evil beings did come from those portals than surely there must be heroes from those portals as well who will know how to vanquish these foes. Somehow all these portals and worlds, maybe even universes are connected. Luigi I don’t know if what I witnessed was a look into the past or future, but one thing is certain. If you are to be victorious and save the Mushroom Kingdom you’ll have to travel to these unknown worlds and universes to search for brave heroes who can aid you in your quest. Luigi you must rely on the aid of others, as well as believe in your own abilities if you are to be successful. Team work is the key. The fate of the Mushroom Kingdom, nay the fate of all these worlds is in your hands.

Luigi: Oh yeah!

E. Gadd: Well I’ve prattled on long enough. Go out and assemble your team. I will remain here and closely monitor the portal.

Luigi: ?

E. Gadd: You see Luigi this portal is the key to stabilizing the other portals. As long as this portal stays open the others should as well. There is no way of predicting how long this portal will last however and the stability of the other portals is questionable. Luigi You’ll have to be swift. Do not dilly-dally. Grab your hero and get out quickly, or you may not be able to return. There is a slight chance you could end up stuck in one of these other worlds forever. Time is of the essence.

Peach: Okay guys you heard the professor. Shake a leg!

E. Gadd: Wait! You are going too? Princess this mission is highly dangerous and…

Peach: I know, I know. You sound like Toadsworth. Don’t worry Professor my friends will protect me.

E. Gadd: Well, okay than but do be careful. If you were to become trapped in one of these other world’s the entire kingdom would grieve.

Peach: I’ll be okay. Come on Yoshi let’s go to that world. Maybe we can find that knight the professor was talking about.

Yoshi: Yoshi.

They enter the portal. Luigi dose not.

E. Gadd: What’s wrong Luigi? Aren’t you joining them?

Luigi: (Shaking his head no) speaks.

E. Gadd: I see. You plan on splitting up to find heroes faster, is that it? Brilliant my boy. Tell me whom are you asking for help?

Luigi: ...

E. Gadd: Him? Are you serious? I’ve heard he’s caused you and your brother much trouble in the past.

Luigi: ...

E. Gadd: You say you can convince him? Your brother’s formed a truce? Well good luck than. Let me see if I can make a few minor adjustments to this machine than the portal should… ah ha! I’ve got it. I’ve found his coordinates. Hurry Luigi there’s not much time. Enter the portal and go get him.

Luigi: Oki doki.

He enters the portal. Scene ends.

Well that's it for today ladies and gents. Chapter 3 will be coming at you shortly! One thing I do want to mention chapter 3 will be done in two parts: A part A and a part B. This is because they are two different events happening at the same time. In part A we learn the mysterious individual Luigi was refering to. The question is will they help Luigi knowing their rival Mario is involved? Will the truce truely last? Than in part B the Princess and Yoshi go on a quest to track down a knight Professor Elvin Gadd spoke of. Who is it Will they help the Mushroom Kingdom's cause? Find out in the next thrilling 2 part chapter 3!!!!!

(06-07-2012, 11:51 AM)Afr0Blu3 Wrote: How is this a game script, in any way, shape, or form? Do you understand how games and games design works? I see no mention of any gameplay mechanics, features, or even gameplay segments. There doesn't seem to be a gap for these to be sporadic cutscenes within a game either.

If you want to make a game, then make a game, if you want to write a story, then write a story.

Don't write a script for a play and try to pass it off as a game script. That simply insults our intelligence. You've been told there are major flaws with this multiple times and you just keep on going. Wouldn't be surprised if you're just copy pasting this around 20 or so boards at the same time.