The Troops Legacy (Writing)

[Proton]

This was pretty bad.



You need to learn to separate common forum posting with writing.


"His name....was Troops"

First of all, an ellipse should only have 3 dots.
Second, it doesn't need to be there. It isn't proper use of the ellipse and should not be included.


You always have weird sounds.
"Hehehehe" can be changed to something like, "He cackled to himself."
Something informing the reader that the character is making the sound, instead of actually writing the sound.


Use ONE exclamation mark.
I don't know why you think you need 2 each time.



That's all I'm going over.

There's just too many mistakes to this poorly written piece.


Just,
you need to learn to separate common forum posting with writing.

No writing piece should look as colloquial as a forum post.