[Sprite Comic] Pokemon The Commercial

[justover6]

Follow the journey of the Thief and the Girl with more fluids than she can handle as they travel to steal a mysterious package and a mother's last memento to her daughter. However these objects are being transported by a group of Knights and maybe the legend himself; The God of Death.

I mainly posted this here because Dazz and redblueyellow ripped most of the sprites so kudos to you.

Issue 1

[sponge7325]

I do not beleive anyone here at tSR LIKES sprite comics. This place is about showcasing the sprites you made.

[Gors]

copypasting because the same exact thing applies here

no.

simply, no.

To elaborate on what Metaru (M9999) said...

Sprite comics with premade sprites have been done to death. They look unprofessional, are generic, and don't stand out at all.

The first thing I'd recommend is practicing making your own sprites from scratch. Once you have a good grip on those, THEN you can try working on a comic.

We have a forum for sprite critique here, too, so if you make something custom post it there.

If you do end up making your own custom comic, I'd recommend doing an original story. It could be based in a video game world or it could be totally, 100% original, but either way, it's more original and will stand out more than "luigi and snivy talk about video games" or w/e. The market for "funny" sprite comics has come and gone, every joke's been done, etc etc.

here's an example of a good sprite comic. Note that every sprite in there is custom and specifically made for the comic. This shows others you took effort into making the comic, and it's much more interesting than what you did as masquerain said.

but then, to even be able to do something like that, you need to know about pixelart, practicing and improving as an artist.

[justover6]

=.= I really hate bad critiquing and advice.

Advice on critiquing and comments 101.

Rule 1: When in Rome do as the Romans do.
This is not the place for debating the dirt old argument about custom vs. per-made(If you want we can). So I'm going to drop that subject for now. However, if you are going to critique my work, I like it to be fair. If my comic isn't custom, don't compare it to one, don't critique it as one. It's almost like critiquing McDonalds to Vince's Family Secret Restaurant. No one want's to read about some idiot that thought comparing someone's hand cooked meals to mystery meat getting thrown in grease was a GREAT way to critique.

Rule 2: Think for yourself.
I can't even take Gors post seriously. Why? Because I don't even know if he LOOKED at the comic let alone a word. He gave me a bunch of generic crap. Can you at least read the comic first and give hardcore crushing REAL criticism FROM YOU. You sound like one of those guys off gamestop that says I never played the game but they can rate graphics and story and sound from only a picture.

[Gors]

obs: don't go apeshit on me because my post wasn't only mine. See those names in the quote boxes? They also agree on me that sprite comics are like, the lowest form of comics, with very very rare good examples (such sprite comic is A Path to Greater Good, by Neorice)



again, all props and sprites were done by Neorice himself, which makes his comic be different and stand out from the others. I can critique your premade sprite comic, but all I can say is that it's another boring png file in the sea of boring sprite comics.

Also, I gave you 'generic' critique because your work is generic. Simple as that. You make it sound like you're like the sprite comic pioneer but you aren't. You are not the only one that attempted showing sprite comics to us, so we already know how things work.

Go take a chill pill and read my criticism again. Everyone and their mom is fed up of sprite comics.

[Proton]

Can you at least read the comic first and give hardcore crushing REAL criticism FROM YOU.

Your comic is the biggest piece of shit to ever hit the internet like a raining bag of heavy shit.

Initially, the title made it sound like some sort of advertisement for Pokemon.
Then your first comment made it sound like some generic-as-fuck fantasy novel.

Then I clicked the link.

The fuck.


It's like the horribly disgusting default tiles of RPG Maker, with lacklustre RPG sprites on them.

And then what happened? You threw in Pokemon sprites,
that
look
entirely different from the other parts.

Even the red borders are out of place as fuck.


It's also boring.
It's got no action poses, it's got no variety in positions,

as,
it's not a comedy Sunday comic strip that gets away with simplicity due to punchlines being delivered in 3 panels.

You're obviously going for a serious comic,
don't slack your way through it.


The font is ugly, along with you seeming to have barely any knowledge of punctuation and grammar.
So yeah, it looks like a pile of garbage.

I guess I'll just go by the story. Maybe it's oka-
nope.



It's called Kingdom and Coins.
There's one coin and it's barely a focal point.
And it's a Mario Coin.

Your pacing is absolute garbage, you go from trying to make an intro for one person to another with a cliffhanger, which is terrible.
There's no build up,
there's no development,
there's not even a sense of addiction.

How could anyone ever be entwined in your story if this is how you make an issue?

[Altrez]

As for your comic, it's very busy for a first issue, and with very little actual progression. You're branching off into a sub plot within the fifth panel when we've just barely been introduced to the first plot.

Generally a first issue should introduce the main character, explain why we like him/her, and then show us the conflict. Or if it's centered on an age or a town, give us a little bit of back drop instead of just thrusting the reader into this conflict with a little girl and some grey guy that I don't care about.

I'm not sure about the layout either, on first glance I just glazed over and refused to take it in. Something about the bold red lines, and perfectly aligned small panels.

Maybe try changing up to different perspectives instead of having the same dead pan shot every time. I realize with the zooming in, you were trying to do this, but try taking the actual panels and overlapping them too, like these:

Spoiler

and marvel style is a great example, http://i40.tinypic.com/1iet07.jpg

[justover6]

0.e wtf!

Ok let's just say for a second I didn't know he made all those sprites himself. Not only is it unoriginal, it passes off as a pre-made sprite comic (Can you say One Piece much), and it has jokes in it. The last two comics you posted literally contradicted everything you posted. Even worse is now you're blaming your friends or whoever for something YOU posted in this thread AND trying to hid behind them at the same time.

In fact; take off that "Good criticisms all the way..." NO NO wait keep it there, the ellipses tell me everything. What it probably says is this, "Good criticism all the way, just kidding" is that what you left out? Because you just told me toilet jokes is original because that's a "very very rare good examples."

Here let me help you out with critiquing, spell out why my comic is so generic using the first two rules I posted. Act like I've never seen a sprite comic in my life. And you're the one person that can help me make a better comic.

---

To Proton and Altrez

Thanks for the real critique.

To Altrez: Originally the comic was WAY larger, I say it ranged from about 34 or 84 panels a page. So I severely shorten it for... over reading purposes. So if it doesnt work out I'll just post the unabridged series.

[Zadaben]

Actually, virtually everyone in the world can help almost everybody else, because everyone has a unique opinion and experiences that cause them to invent different ideas than everyone else. You are being very rude to people here, they are trying to help, and, like ideas, people have different ways of doing so, Gors finds whats wrong with something and then shows you how to make it better alongside examples, Proton tells you in no uncertain terms precisely what is wrong and how you should fix it, and Altrez politely informs you of your mistakes and gives examples of something better. All of them have advice and critiques that deserve respect and consideration. They arn't trying to be mean, they are acting as superior officers in the Spriting universe, so to speak. Personally, I feel that your comic lacks flow and direction, I had difficulty following it, and yes, the jumble of sprites is a tad overdone. Also, the fact that Neorice's comic looks like it had pre-made profesional sprites is a compliment to him, as they do look amazing.

[Baegal]

0.e wtf!

Ok let's just say for a second I didn't know he made all those sprites himself. Not only is it unoriginal, it passes off as a pre-made sprite comic (Can you say One Piece much), and it has jokes in it.

Seriously? You're claiming your sprite comic and Neorice's are identical because of the ""possibility"" that he didn't make the sprites?
Even if he didn't, what's in his comic is coherent and works together nicely, with similar tones, CUSTOM word bubbles, and a general theme made in it. His looks like there was genuine effort put into it.

On the other hand, you are mashing up sprites from multiple series which do not even look SLIGHTLY similar, using boring and out of place text boxes, warped and stretched backgrounds, confusing panels, and hard to follow dialogue, and have the nerve to call Neorice's comic "unoriginal"?
Your resolution is completely off, and The sprites are merely rotated and resized to pass off as a different panel. There really is no way to improve this other than to give the comic a coherent theme or look, by either using similar sprites or doing it from scratch, in addition to looking in to some storyboarding tips and making the dialogue clearer.

In fact; take off that "Good criticisms all the way..." NO NO wait keep it there, the ellipses tell me everything. What it probably says is this, "Good criticism all the way, just kidding" is that what you left out? Because you just told me toilet jokes is original because that's a "very very rare good examples."

What are you, 12? You're insulting someone who went out of his way to share his thoughts with you on how to improve your work, took the time to write it out in an intelligent manner using references to make his point clearer (for YOU, not anyone else), and all that you could have thought up was insult and telling him how to critique your work?

Here let me help you out with critiquing, spell out why my comic is so generic using the first two rules I posted. Act like I've never seen a sprite comic in my life. And you're the one person that can help me make a better comic.

This thread is advice on improving your work, not advice on how to give advice on your work. Nobody HAS to give advice, and I don't see why anyone should right now.

[justover6]

@ SirZadaben

While I agree with you, I can't agree about the Gor's part and the rudeness. I was only "rude" to Gor, you said people. Why? Because, he didn't find ANYTHING wrong with my comic. Proton as harsh as his critism was, I could except it, why, because he told me specifically what was wrong. Altrez told me what she thought I could do better. But the idea that stood out the most was I know they read it and took the time to post.

But Gor's post was COMPLETELY irrelevant. He first said premade is done to death and is generic, wait no, quoted, and then he posted an artist comic so good that he made customs look pre-made. So what I get from this is, don't read a comic that's pre-made, read a comic that looks pre-made but custom; I don't get that. Then he goes on to say that comic is the rarest of good, but in the post above it says don't use jokes because they are overdone and that same comic he said is good, is a toilet joke. It pretty much just says don't make sprite comics, custom or otherwise. That's not criticism, it's a bunch of ideas jumbled together without any real thought put behind them.

---

@ Baegal

"You're claiming your sprite comic and Neorice's are identical because of the ""possibility"" that he didn't make the sprites?"

0.e when did I every post anything about me and Neorice's comic being identical. I wrote a piece above on that WHOLE situation.

"You're insulting someone who went out of his way to share his thoughts with you"

I wrote a piece above about that too. BTW he didn't write anything to me. He reposted. And then still didn't give me advice on how to improve my work. But you did though so kudos.

"This thread is advice on improving your work, not advice on how to give advice on your work."

0.e so you can give advice without knowing how to give advice.... interesting concept. It would be different if I told you NOT to give harsh advice, but I DIDN'T say that. I said give REAL advice. Not that generic crap.

[Baegal]

Your resolution is completely off, and The sprites are merely rotated and resized to pass off as a different panel. There really is no way to improve this other than to give the comic a coherent theme or look, by either using similar sprites or doing it from scratch, in addition to looking in to some storyboarding tips and making the dialogue clearer.

This looks like some solid advice to me, but this seems to be getting nowhere so I'm just going to stop now.

Everything aside, try to make everything coherent and thematically familiar, along with making dialogue and the panels more interesting and less confusing. Try switching up the sizes of the panels and get different angles. It will take more time but the effort will be worth it. Also don't try to rush the story with too many things happening at once in the beginning, but at the same time make sure the story doesn't drag towards the middle, as that is a common mistake with comics.

[justover6]

@ Baegal

"This looks like some solid advice to me, but this seems to be getting nowhere so I'm just going to stop now."

I could have sworn I said you gave me advice, screw it, thanks for the advice.

[Vipershark]

Just over: This thread

[Devicho]

I think I'm just going to lock this, because it doesn't look like the OP is a black belt in listening to critique-fu and this doesn't seem to be going anywhere. If any other mods think this should be reopened, feel free.