Pokemon: The Commercial

[justover6]

Follow the journey of the Thief and the Girl with more fluids than she can handle as they travel to steal a mysterious package and a mother's last memento to her daughter. However these objects are being transported by a group of Knights and maybe the legend himself; The God of Death.

I mainly posted this here because Dazz and redblueyellow ripped most of the sprites so kudos to you.

Issue 1

IMPORTANT INFO:
Ok this will be a completely pre-made comic. Not one custom sprite will be found. Please don't post or critic about custom sprites.

This is a finished comic. We all have 12 weeks together 3 days a week till the finish. Monday / Wednesday / Friday

Originally, each page was 35 to 85 panels long, I spliced them for your eye health. That's why I'm uploading 3 times a week, because the comic wasn't originally meant to be 6 panels long.

But I am still uploading comics seriously.

[Vipershark]

Okay.
I am giving you ONE.
ONE.
chance here.

Make sure the last thread doesn't happen again.

[justover6]

Ok I'm your new Boys Scout

[Gwen]

How in the world did the last thread get locked over me not listening to Critique. I CLEARLY thanked everyone that gave me critique.

But I am still uploading comics seriously.

What

[Chris2Balls [:B]]

Okay. So I read the previous thread. I assume you're posting this comic for praise and encouragement, not critique.


If you can't handle critique or any opinions that aren't favorable to your work, then you might as well not post here: by not being open to suggestions or critique, you're closing off a lot of possibilities that we could offer with our help. It also shows you don't have a critical look on what you do, which means you won't be able to improve, either.
The point of us giving feedback is to point out things that in our eyes could be better that you may have overlooked.

Come back in a few years time.

[[robo9]]

Follow the journey of the Thief and the Girl with more fluids than she can handle

The pleasure of being cummed inside

[justover6]

The problem with writing threads is a lot of stuff get's mixed up because of thoughts and times of post and who we're replying to. So to help with that, I'm going to give specific post numbers for you to read with paragraphs.

@ Chris2Balls [:B]

"If you can't handle critique or any opinions that aren't favorable to your work"

I disagree, I'll give a list of everyone that critiqued on my work and my reply to them.
Proton post #6 which was a harsh post, which I said I had no problem receiving.
Altrez post #7

My reply came in post number #8, if you notice it was a double post, because I hadn't seen Protons or Altrez post. In the double post I clearly thank both of them for their input.

SirZadaben post #9 at the very bottom, he said he thought my comic lacked direction and the sprites were jumbled.

Post # 11 = I wrote out that I agree with his post in the first line.

Baegal post # 10 paragraphs two and three was his critique of my work.

Post #11 double post from the @ Baegal line, drop down to line 4. I said, "....still didn't give me advice on how to improve my work. But you did though so kudos." The but you did though so kudos, was my thanking Baegal for his critique.

Baegal Post #12 Baegal repost his critique.

Post #13 I rethank him from the earlier post. that he missed.

Now if I'm lying anywhere on here and you see; it call me out. However if you saying I don't take criticism well.

I almost forgot about Gor's post

Gor Post #3 Everything was quoted

My post # 4 I said it was bad criticism because it didn't help me. I said I couldn't even tell if he looked at my comic because of the generic quotes.

"Dazz's Universal Rules for this site.

1. Don't be dumb.
No pointless or stupid comments. Do your best to type in complete sentences and with correct spelling and grammar, don't spam or advertise, etc. Yes, this includes another person's topic and/or rep points.

1.2: Make sure your post has actual content in it.
Single-word posts, short sentence posts, blankposting, and/or quoting a previous post with no additional content added by yourself are generally frowned upon. Don't just post to say "XD" or "lol". Doing this counts as spamming, which will result in a 30% warn and posting rights being revoked for 12 hours. Therefore, put something of at least of SOME additional value to the current topic into your post that people might actually read, and not just scroll past."

You can go look at the thread yourself. Make sure your post has actual content in it. "...quoting a previous post with no additional content added by yourself are generally frowned upon."

And I frowned upon it.

So I can't handle critique, how so, because I just posted me thanking everyone that gave me real critique and when someone literally broke the rule on YOUR site, I tried to help him out. Not only that but I got flamed because I called out someone on YOUR rules.

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Seriously how do you quote on here 0.e

[[robo9]]

Underneath each post is a small button that says quote. If you want to quote more than one post, you can either use two tabs- one with your post and another so you can copy and paste the quoting codes and whatnot- or you can copy what they say and put [quote] [/ quote] around the quote. However you have to type another line of MyBB code to put the name if you do it this way, and that little tidbit escapes me at the moment

[justover6]

ok ok I see


[quote='[robo9]' pid='419082' dateline='1326556456']
Underneath each post is a small button that says quote. If you want to quote more than one post, you can either use two tabs- one with your post and another so you can copy and paste the quoting codes and whatnot- or you can copy what they say and put

[/ quote] around the quote. However you have to type another line of MyBB code to put the name if you do it this way, and that little tidbit escapes me at the moment

I never noticed the tiny bar underneath the message box that ask if I want to stick it in.

[Chris2Balls [:B]]

The problem with writing threads is a lot of stuff get's mixed up because of thoughts and times of post and who we're replying to. So to help with that, I'm going to give specific post numbers for you to read with paragraphs.

@ Chris2Balls [:B]

"If you can't handle critique or any opinions that aren't favorable to your work"

I disagree, I'll give a list of everyone that critiqued on my work and my reply to them.
Proton post #6 which was a harsh post, which I said I had no problem receiving.
Altrez post #7

My reply came in post number #8, if you notice it was a double post, because I hadn't seen Protons or Altrez post. In the double post I clearly thank both of them for their input.

SirZadaben post #9 at the very bottom, he said he thought my comic lacked direction and the sprites were jumbled.

Post # 11 = I wrote out that I agree with his post in the first line.

Baegal post # 10 paragraphs two and three was his critique of my work.

Post #11 double post from the @ Baegal line, drop down to line 4. I said, "....still didn't give me advice on how to improve my work. But you did though so kudos." The but you did though so kudos, was my thanking Baegal for his critique.

Baegal Post #12 Baegal repost his critique.

Post #13 I rethank him from the earlier post. that he missed.

Now if I'm lying anywhere on here and you see; it call me out. However if you saying I don't take criticism well.

I almost forgot about Gor's post

Gor Post #3 Everything was quoted

My post # 4 I said it was bad criticism because it didn't help me. I said I couldn't even tell if he looked at my comic because of the generic quotes.

So I can't handle critique, how so, because I just posted me thanking everyone that gave me real critique and when someone literally broke the rule on YOUR site, I tried to help him out. Not only that but I got flamed because I called out someone on YOUR rules.

I don't see how Gors's post wasn't a legitimate critique: sure, he quoted other members, but the post he created articulated a critique which concerned your comic.
Indeed you did thank several members for their feedback, good for you and good for them. My issue is with you "filtering" critique: okay, you may be looking for something in particular, and if you are then it might help if you specify what kind of critique you're looking for (if it's more on the story, more on the page's layout, the font, etc...), instead of asking for "real" critique.

Now, for the critique.

Why are there six frames, why is the page in landscape format and why is it centered? Why is there void above and below the frames? Why is there the same spacing between each frame (apart from the two last ones)? Why are both last frames not spaced the same way as the rest, nor the same size?
I had no idea what happened between frame 1 and 2: I only just realized the group was moving towards the girl. Nothing suggests movement in the first frame, and if the reader isn't aquainted with the sprites he won't necessarily make the link between the vampire seen from the back and the vampire seen from the side. Why is the road on the far left, and not in the centre or to the right? Why is it a vertical line and not a horizontal one? And why is the park taking up more space in the frame than the part in which the action of the scene is taking place?
Frame 2 is rather confusing: once again, very static, I can't tell when the girl was it or what point in time this is (when girl is hit, when she falls or when she is to the ground; it's kind of combined). Why the zoom? Why don't you crop off everything around the zoomed part? The coin isn't that visible. Why is the speech bubble overlapping the second frame and into the first one? It's extremely distracting, it's like it's escaping the action it's illustrating.
Why is the view zoomed out again in frame 3? The action is only happening between those two characters, the rest is irrelevant. Once again, I don't understand why the bubbles are set out this way.
Frame 4 is equally as confusing: why haven't the rest of the guards moved forward with their leader? What is their leader doing? Are these even relevant to the frame? If the action is focused on the girl and the speech bubble, why have you left the rest there? It only makes the frame noisier and harder to read. Why is the speech bubble so small?
Why have you used the Crayon tool as a backdrop for "1 hour earlier" in frame 5? It's noisy, inconsistent and not even drawn straight. I'm at a loss at why there is so much space in the frame which isn't used effectively to describe an action. Why is the room so big? Why is it so blurred and scaled up? Why does the television (if that's what it is) have the same speech bubble as a human character?
As for frame 6: I see the link between the zoomed part and the un-zoomed part, but why so much useless space around the relevant material? Why is the zoomed part in that place and not elsewhere, why is that size and what is its significance?

This needs a lot of work.

[Cobalt Blue]

your comics are awesome dont listen to them they are just a bunch of haters and they are jealous.

this is the cold hard thruth

[Gors]

first, I am not Gor


second, I did give proper criticism. Hell, I wasn't even being rude, what the fuck

If you want to know why I told you to stop making sprite comics, it's because it is boring and terribly unoriginal, everyone and their mom has done them and no one wants to read them anymore.

And if you're hellbent on ignoring what I said due to 'I use premade sprites and there is nothing wrong in this', I'll just say that it indeed is wrong and it won't be as good as it would be with custom work. Since ripped sprites are already premade, they will rarely combine with your comic. Grab a real comic and read it. Notice how the 'camera' or perspective shuffles often to better represent characters, places and such. It isn't permanently locked to top-down view, as yours. Also, sprites doesn't represent movements and/or feelings well. The black dude's punch doesn't look as strong as you made it to be, the girl's crying is as bland as drawing default MS Paint blue below her eyes and overworld Pokémon sprites clashes with the bigger sprites terribly.

inb4 ignoring Gor 's post because it doesn't make sense

[justover6]

second, I did give proper criticism. Hell, I wasn't even being rude, what the fuck

second, I did give proper criticism. Hell, I wasn't even being rude, what the fuck

Universal Rules

1. Don't be dumb.

1.2: Make sure your post has actual content in it.

....and/or quoting a previous post with no additional content added by yourself are generally frowned upon.

If you want to know why I told you to stop making sprite comics

The black dude's punch doesn't look as strong as you made it to be, the girl's crying is as bland as drawing default MS Paint blue below her eyes and overworld Pokémon sprites clashes with the bigger sprites terribly.

Thank you for the criticism.

If I left anything out, you can post it. And I will apologize for the indirect idiot piece I said when I posted the Criticizing and Comments 101 in post #4.

But seriously can you all leave this stuff alone, I already PROVEN I not only accepted your criticisms I even said thank you for them. Despite everyone saying, "you couldn't handle criticism."

[Gwen]

The quoted posts PERTAINED to your fracking topic. ANOTHER thing, all I've seen you do is slant everyone off as jerks who don't know how to critique, when in reality, we're dealing with a baby who doesn't want to hear criticism, go to mcleod if you just want blind praise seriously, your schtick got old the moment you showed up. You're an arrogant prick who doesn't realize what he has is pretty bad, and you just continually refuse help. Screw off.

[Gors]

Thank you for the criticism.

sure, just be sure to include the "And if you're hellbent on ignoring what I said due to 'I use premade sprites and there is nothing wrong in this', I'll just say that it indeed is wrong and it won't be as good as it would be with custom work. Since ripped sprites are already premade, they will rarely combine with your comic. Grab a real comic and read it. Notice how the 'camera' or perspective shuffles often to better represent characters, places and such. It isn't permanently locked to top-down view, as yours. Also, sprites doesn't represent movements and/or feelings well." part

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to be honest fuck with this, come back when you fukcing grow up and learn to accept criticism wholly

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also the print screens are much more interesting and funnier than your comic, good job