04-25-2009, 08:32 PM
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Galaxy ball! / Game universes crossover
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04-26-2009, 03:13 PM
04-26-2009, 03:15 PM
it's like space jam but with no actual football players
i read the first two post-chapters. this feels kinda like porn, but instead of hardcore sex there's intense football sports-porn sporn and nothing gets me stiff quite like link with shoulder-pads also most of the characters are outrageously out of character, i'd expect more silliness out of waluigi and a little more italian out of mario Quote:Everyone does that except for Mario, who notices someone sitting over on a bench. He walks over to the individual taking a seat next to her, and taking his helmet off.
04-27-2009, 11:20 AM
(04-26-2009, 11:28 PM)Kosheh Wrote:Quote:Everyone does that except for Mario, who notices someone sitting over on a bench. He walks over to the individual taking a seat next to her, and taking his helmet off. Please, sir, I want some more.
04-27-2009, 05:18 PM
Yeah...overall, it's good, but I'm getting lost at points.
The structure is in need of a lot of work, but overall, nice. But yeah, a lot of the characters need to be more in character. Biggest one I've seen is that Link's talking. TALKING. ...well...it'd be bland otherwise, so I'll let it slide. I'm also starting to lose intrest though...I'm getting bored reading the training.
04-27-2009, 06:31 PM
(04-27-2009, 11:20 AM)Geo the Fox Wrote:(04-26-2009, 11:28 PM)Kosheh Wrote:Quote:Everyone does that except for Mario, who notices someone sitting over on a bench. He walks over to the individual taking a seat next to her, and taking his helmet off. but i dont like writing fanfiction esp. with different couplings ):
04-28-2009, 03:07 PM
Galaxy Ball
CHP4: Training Camp PT 2 Over a month and a few weeks have passed. The sun levitates over Yoshi’s island awakening Jak. He sits up on the bed stretching and can feel pain throughout his body. This is due to the training within camp. Getting out of bed he gets dressed, and can see that it is five thirty five am in the morning looking over at a clock. Feeling very restless he exits the room heading down a group of stairs and into the kitchen. Jak pours himself a bowl of cereal while sitting down at a nearby table. Someone enters the room sitting next to him. He looks over to see one of his team mates. “How are you doing this morning Gloshi? I couldn’t sleep so I just decided to get up, after I’m done eating I’m heading out to the stadium for some morning warm ups. The others should be there by 6:45.” Jak says. The dino picks up a nearby magazine, looking through it. “I guess I will follow you out there, besides I know our head coach is already at the stadium planning our practice for the day.” Gloshi gets up from the table, walking over to the coffee machine to make himself a cup of it. Bomb-omb Battlefield The players get suited up within the locker room. Afterward they are guided onto the field by their team leader. The players are ordered to run across the 100 yard field twice. This gets them prepared for what they will do throughout the day. The offensive and defensive players get into their appropriate spots, which are determined by the play called on the sideline. Koopa Troopa takes the first snap but trips up over a line man, trying to sustain his stability; he plummets back for a loss of 4 yards. Blooper helps the individual back up. Koopa Troopa takes the snap running to his left, throwing up the field he is intercepted by Bowser! The defender brings it back fifteen yards before being taken down. Koopa Troopa shakes his head at the mistake. Bowser approaches the little turtle. “I dare you to throw my way again, next time I’m taking it to the house.” The words from Bowser bring trepidation into the petite turtle. Both players get back on their sides of the field and get ready for the next play. Koopa Troopa takes the snap handing it off to Blooper who runs to his left. Blooper takes a few players up the field six yards before he is taken down. Koopa Troopa looks down on his arm band to find a play that can get them further yards. Moving up the field the ball is snapped to him; shifting a few times he gets rid of the ball. Metaknight makes the catch picking up 16 yards. Veldin Ratchet sits on the sideline geared up, waiting for the practice to begin. The Lambox drinks Gatorade, looking up into the bright sky and smiling. There is not a single cloud within the dazzling blue sky. Setting his helmet down to the side, Toad takes a seat next to Ratchet. “How’s it going Toad, I’m glad you came my way I need to discuss something with you.” Ratchet shifts his body a little bit. “I need you to stop having short arms, when you do that we are going to have a lot of in completions. And what I mean by that is whenever you hear footsteps approaching from any direction you tend not to reach out, I need you to ignore them and make the catch.” Ratchet tells. Toad understands what it is he needs to improve on, but at the same time it won’t be easy to completely fix. Ratchet places a hand on his teammate’s shoulder. “There is no need to feel down, I know it might take a little time. Besides for the most part, you, Clank, and Rick Wheeler have been terrific.” It isn’t too much longer before Ratchet and Toad are directed to the field along with everyone else. With the first play Ratchet hands the ball off to Paratroopa who is very quick on his feet. The turtle runs up his left side picking up four yards and a few inches. Ratchet playfully hits Paratroopa on the shell after the play. Ratchet signals for the ball, taking the snap. He takes a few steps back, looking up field for something big. Finding something he steps up throwing the ball, which is caught and dropped by Rick Wheeler. Ratchet takes his players into a huddle. “Listen up all of you; we are going with the Ye3/ the coaster Wheeler option. We have about a sixty percent chance of throwing them off, and if we do it should make for a good gain. One of you bone heads better not mess this up.” Ratchet looks over at a few individuals with a glare in his eyes. Once at the line Ratchet sends Rick in motion. As he takes the snap all of his receivers are quick getting up field. Punt faking to Rick, Ratchet causes the defender guarding Clank to fall. Ratchet takes this opportunity throwing to his open receiver. Clank leaps into the air making the catch and running off into the sideline. Ratchet smiles while moving up the field with his offense. Corneria Falco stands up against a wall with both his arms and legs crossed. He watches the footage which is showed to him by Hec, the franchise owner. The ace pilot studies a single person on the screen, which is Tomler/ the quarter back for the slaughterer crows. “Do you expect me to play the position of quarter back, similar to this individual? That’s just something I’m not interested in doing.” Falco tells. “I’m not asking you to imitate him exactly, but I do however want you to study him. He is arguably the best Quarter back within my galaxy. When opening game day comes, I want you to be top three in this league of 16.” Falco decides not to respond, watching Tomler’s posture and style. Outside of the room and down on the Stadium Tiny Tiger sits on a bench, along with a Goron from Hyrule. The two of them watch as the kicker for there team practices kicking field goals. Tiny picks up and opens a play book which is lying next to him. The Tiger flips through a few pages before stopping. “Tiny like this formation, the defense has a hard time stopping us when in it. I just hope the lead man doesn’t have us do too many additional aerobics today.” The tiger talks with the Goron who is an offensive lineman. The two of them look just in time to see the kicker of the Lylat birds kick a fifty seven yard field goal. Together the rest of the players enter the field from the locker room. Falco also returns to the field, with Peppy Hare the offensive coordinator. Tiny jumps up running over to Falco. “Can we please run the hurry up offence first, please?! That is the best way for I Tiny to get warmed up.” Falco looks down at the energetic Tiger. “I’m sure that won’t be a problem, but you will have to ask the head coach. Only he decides what we will and won’t do.” Tiny follows the team captain over to the rest of the offensive players. Falco looks down at his selection of plays, waiting to see what the team will commence with. Cool Cool Mountains It snow’s severely, which is why the top to the dome has been placed on. Luigi sits in a lounge which was built for the players sipping on hot chocolate. Fox Mccloud sits in a nearby coach along with two others watching a T.V. Flipping through a few channels he stops, seeing someone proverbial. Fortred stands before a huge crowd of different beings. He waits for the commentators to quite down before speaking. Many pictures are taken of him as he stands before everyone. “I’m glad to see that you have all come, for the announcement of an upcoming event. I would like to make this short and sweet so I will cut right to the chase. All citizens of each planet will have the pleasure of attending the football games, of 16 new teams that will compete against each other!” Throughout Fortred’s announcement laughing can be heard within the crowd of people. It doesn’t take too long before he is finished speaking. At this time many hands go up to ask questions. He selects a person to speak. “Not to sound like an idiot or anything, but this is completely preposterous. No one will pay money to see unskilled players engage in games against each other.” Fortred answers many questions only to be criticized more and more. The head coach for the Mushroom dashers enters the lounge getting all of his player’s attention within the room. “I want you all on the field right now, your thirty is over.” Fox crushes his Pepsi can, standing to his feet. “Obviously the critics aren’t expecting much, I guess that will leave it up to us to give them a performance they won’t see coming.” Fox says. All players exit the room ready to take care of business on the field. Luigi puts on his helmet leading his offensive players to their usual sideline the group waits for the offensive coordinator who doesn’t take long. “Before we begin I would like to say that I am proud of the offensive line, for helping with better pass protection in these last few practices. But I would like to see improvement in the area of opening holes for the running back. We haven’t done to well on that, besides that you have all done well.” The coordinator sets down a simple plan for his offence, before they are lead onto the field by Luigi. The defensive players are on the field not long after. Luigi signals for the ball, getting it right away. The plumber hands the ball off to Wario, who manages to only pick up a few inches. This time Luigi sends his number one receiver in motion. Taking the snap he runs to his left, looking down the middle of the Field is Fox Mccloud. The defense play’s man to man, Luigi launches the ball downfield. Fox makes the catch over his left shoulder while in stride. Outrunning everyone he makes it to the 10 yard line before being stopped. “Some how we need to shut that Fox down, whenever they get the ball to him he always picks up huge yards.” A defender complains in frustration. All players jog down to the point of where the ball ended. “That was a good catch and run Fox, I thought you were goanna go the whole way.” Luigi says. “It doesn’t always work out that way, but you can always look to me for a huge completion.” Fox replies. Both players trade smiles getting back into the huddle. Setting up the screen Luigi takes the snap. Luigi throws to Koopa in the end zone for a completion. The defense was totally thrown off by the play. Venom Wolf O’Donnell walks down a hall within the stadium coming across a soda machine and stopping. He inserts a dollar, getting himself an energy drink. Feeling another presence behind him, he jumps a bit startled. “No need to be frightened dare. I guess we haven’t had the chance of introducing ourselves. I’m Rouge the bat, and this is Mia we are both part of the cheerleading squad.” “And I am supposed to care; the two of you shouldn’t even be here. The practice for your squad isn’t till later in the day.” “You sure are rude, but anyway we just came to see you all practice. Don’t worry it’s just the two of us.” “That’s fine by me, but if you could get out of my way, I have to get ready.” Wolf walks passed both of them not saying a word. Both females turn to each other. “He sure has a grouchy personality.” Mia says. Wolf enters the locker room, getting into his pads and whatever else just as everyone else in the locker room. Different conversations can be heard throughout the room. Wolf gets into his stuff getting out onto the field. He walks over to the defense coordinator who is none other than Panther Caruso. “I’m glad to see your up and around, so how is that right shoulder of yours?” Panther asks. “It’s actually quite fine, I just dislocated it yesterday. I will be able to perform at 100% today.” Wolf tells. Wolf warms up by throwing the ball back and forth to his tight end. The two of them do this until the remainder of players and coaches come onto the field. The players warm up by doing stretches and jogging on the field. Afterward each player gets into his position. Wolf yells something out to his line picking up the blitz from the defense. Wolf gets the ball and is taken down by King Dedede before he can hand it off to dry bones. Dedede helps Wolf up. “Damn it’s going to take three of us to hold Dedede; this guy is a born natural brute.” An offensive lineman nags. Wolf takes the snap, taking three steps back. Dedede comes from Wolfs left side with two line men falling over smashing into the quarter back’s side. This leads to a fumble with Dedede recovering it and running back to the opposite end zone. Wolf gets up brushing himself off. “It’s a good thing I won’t have to play against King Dedede and this defense, when it counts. They will be a huge part in this team’s success.” Wolf says. Dedede comes back up the field with the ball, in addition to the offence starting over. Wolf takes the snap, just keeping his attention up field and nowhere else. The pocket holds up for a little while, but a few defenders come through. Three defenders get a hand on wolf as he releases the ball. It is caught by Boshi up field for a gain of eleven yards. Kongo Jungle The Primates practice without a top on the stadium. The temperature is at 79 degrees, with a little light rain. Candy Kong sits at a bench on the side with Kiddy Kong watching the players practice. “Watch for the deep pass to Koopa, make sure that turtle is double covered. While you do that, the front four will try and burry DK into the dirt.” The defense gets themselves organized, not trying to let the offense get anything. Donkey Kong takes the snap moving around a little bit. The line holds the defenders trying to come through. Donkey Kong throws to a receiver who drops it, hearing footsteps coming from his backside. Taking the snap DK immediately tries to get the ball off to Koopa, but is intercepted just because of that. Donkey Kong leaps forward in an attempt to tackle the individual, but the defender just jumps over him. He is eventually taken down by the running back. After the lengthy press conference, Fortred and his group begin putting the schedules together. “Listen carefully, remember to put some of or teams here in the planet Quifeza on teams games. Just choose them at random; this will be a good way to see how good the teams are in this 16 team league.” Fortred tells. To Be Continue
04-28-2009, 05:23 PM
Dammit, Kosheh. That was so awesome, even though it was so little. It felt... almost as if Nintendo themselves had ordained you to write that. Which wouldn't be a surprise since a Mario Football spinoff seems like a likely idea. But if Mario started talking in it, he'd be like that. A lot like that.
It was... beautiful. (04-28-2009, 05:23 PM)Geo the Fox Wrote: Dammit, Kosheh. That was so awesome, even though it was so little. It felt... almost as if Nintendo themselves had ordained you to write that. Which wouldn't be a surprise since a Mario Football spinoff seems like a likely idea. But if Mario started talking in it, he'd be like that. A lot like that.i make fanfiction look like canonfiction B) if you're gonna be so damn persistent, fine ): Quote:Corneria tips to mr. raph: falco's a guido - fugedabouditt Peppy's all indecisive. "Well, Fox, it's up to you. You've never dissapointed me in the past - knock 'em dead! Trust your instincts!" TINY SPEAK LIKE CAVEMAN. NOT ONLY THIRD PERSON BUT TINY HAVE NO ROOM FOR GRAMMAR IN SMALL BRAIN. little more advice: Fox is rather generic - but he doesn't really speak for long periods of time. You've got his character down well, but he's a bit wordy for Fox. Wolf...is smarter than Fox, but he's a total dick. I could see him being sarcastic: Quote:“What're you two doing here? Cheerleading ain't till later today. You two should try out though - you'd make mean defense with them shoulders.” ...yeah
04-28-2009, 08:15 PM
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