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The Most Creative Scam Ever Conceived By A Human Person. Ever.
#1
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“You ready?”

Brendan stood shiftily in front of the electronics store, “Yeah we’ve done this a bunch of times already. I’m ready”

“You sure you remember everything?”

“Of course.”

Brendan walked towards the store, leaving Joseph behind him. The glass door lit his reflection as he opened the door walking into the large open room. He quickly walked towards the goal, a new gaming system. This had been their next goal, the new scam, they both wanted one, and were going to get one.

He picked up the heavy box and turned towards the till. It was a small kid working the till. This would be easy. Brendan placed the box onto the till and the kid looked up at him, “Is that all?”

Brendan was nervous, “I’m buying it for a friend,” His eyes shifted from side to side, “How much?”

The kid scanned it and looked up at him, “348.94 please.”

Brendan slowly and shakily swiped his card and signed the receipt. He picked up the box and the kid thanked him for shopping at Roy’s technology and toys.

Walking out he saw Joseph leaning against their small SUV that they had scammed previously. They had another of the same sitting in their garage that they were planning on selling.

“You got it?”

Brendan nodded, “You might want to wait a little bit though because I think that kid knew what was going on.”

“How? How old was he?”

Brendan leaned against the SUV beside Joseph, placing the system down onto the ground, “Seventeen maybe? Eighteen?”

“I doubt he would pick up on it.”

“He looked at me really oddly. He knew something was up. Seemed like a smart kid and I don’t want him finding out about us.”

“He’s probably working for minimum wage, he’s not going to care about this. Believe me. He probably didn’t even notice. You’re just being paranoid.”

Joseph was the one who came up with the idea, the start of what they had become. Brendan still remembered that day when he explained the scam to him, Brendan’s eyes sparkling up with every word. The first time they pulled it off, gaining two packages of bubblegum was inspirational to their future.

Brendan had never been so excited for something in his life. This was a break from ever doing a nine to five job never making enough. They would be rich for life.

The two waited a little longer then Brendan watched as Joseph walked into the store. Brendan was always nervous for Joseph when he had to wait outside. It wasn’t as bad when he was doing the deed, but as soon as he was sitting there, waiting as it felt like forever, he was scared for both of them.

After what felt like about the time that it took Joseph to go in and pick up the second system he came out and got into the car, “OK, we’re set.”

They drove off. Brendan opened his window and leaned his arm out. Joseph turned to look at him after turning right onto the main city highway, “I kind of want a Ferrari.”

Brendan laughed sarcastically, “That’s a little bit of a jump isn’t it?”

“We’re good at this now. I think we could pull it off. We’d be able to each have one and if you didn’t want yours we could sell it and use it to actually buy something for once. I really want a red car.”

Brendan smiled, “Tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow.”

* * *

Joseph pulled the vehicle up to the driveway and parked it beside the identical other car. He turned the ignition off and they both got out. The neighbours had begun to watch them more closely, and the two were trying to be more careful, not taking items too large to often, making it more secretive as to keep their neighbours from being too suspicious.

Brendan opened the trunk and picked up the large box, bringing it into the house.

He brought the system to his room and yelled out, “Five minutes?”

Their house was filled with different things they had acquired over the past few months. Large televisions, a new fridge, hundreds of movies. There always seemed to be two of them, and they rarely ever got rid of the doubles, only when it was actually worth it to sell or give away.

The piles of wrapping paper were beside his bed. They used it for anything that wasn’t as large as a car that would take too much time to wrap. He placed the box and began wrapping it, using packing tape to tie any loose ends up. He was terrible the first time, making it look like some alive was inside the present.

Brendan came out of the room to see the other large wrapped box already done beside Joseph, “Merry September 12th Brendan.”

They exchanged the gifts and opened them, “Thanks!”

This was how they received everything for free.

BANG. “Police! Open up! We know your in there.”

“Oh shi…” Joseph was the first to jump up, grabbing a gun from the counter and whispered over, “Quick, lets move to the back. We still have that little car back there. Do you know where the key is?”

Brendan moved quickly to the counter and opened the drawer searching through the large amount of rubbish that had collected in it. He pulled the small key out and exclaimed, quietly, “Found it!”

They had been busted once, and narrowly escaped. They moved quickly towards the back, down low as to not be seen. The police knocked again, “We will be breaking this door down in-”

The two opened the back door and ran to the small car, being as quiet as possible. Brendan opened the car with the actual key rather then with the clicker which made most noise. They both snuck in and looked up to see the two cops inside their house.

“Back up. GO!” Joseph yelled at him beside him, Brendan pressing the gas as the car flew backwards, almost hitting the fence from the other side’s backyard. He turned the car and floored it flying through the alleyway.

“Once you get to the main road slow down. They didn’t see our faces I don’t think.”

He turned onto the small road. Joseph looked back to see the cops car in front of their house.

* * *

Brendan pulled the car into the large parking lot. Joseph got out of the car and walked into the large dealership. A small Asian man walked up to him, “How can I help you today sir?”

“I’d like to buy a red one,” He paused, “For a friend.”
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#2
it was good but uh

how did the scam work
it looks like they just sorta had infinite money and were buying two of everything
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#3
Yeah, I don't... actually understand the scam either. What did they do?
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#4
why do you need to know everything


its good because its never actually explained all the way
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#5
but that defeats the whole point of the story, i'm pretty sure we were all reading this to actually see the scam.
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#6
Huh. How is it free. And...

After what felt like about the time that it took Joseph to go in and pick up the second system he came out and got into the car, “OK, we’re set.”

Huh. I think that's a pretty bad way of describing it. It's awkward.
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#7
I did that on purpose actually to play on the idea of always comparing time to something, so I compared it to itself.
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#8
Look.
Brendan buys something and gives it to Joseph as a present. Thus, Joseph gets it for free. Same thing the other way round: Joseph buys the same thing and gives it to Brendan as a present. Thus, Brenden gets it for free. All in all, they both get their stuff for free.
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#9
(06-04-2009, 09:55 PM)Tuna Unleashed Wrote: but that defeats the whole point of the story, i'm pretty sure we were all reading this to actually see the scam.
yes, but you could use that excuse for any story that plays off of the idea of never actually explaining to you what 'it' is

use your imagination for once, the best writing is the stuff that relies on you to put the pieces together.(unless it's just filled with giant gaping plot holes, but this isn't the case here)
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#10
(06-05-2009, 05:23 AM)Previous Wrote: Look.
Brendan buys something and gives it to Joseph as a present. Thus, Joseph gets it for free. Same thing the other way round: Joseph buys the same thing and gives it to Brendan as a present. Thus, Brenden gets it for free. All in all, they both get their stuff for free.
You don't see the problem in that scenario? At all?

Comix: And therein lies the problem.That would only work if you were trying to be funny. Hmm, I don't know, really.
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#11
Previous actually got what I originally was aiming for. I know its not logical in any way at all, but I was kind of going for a satirical feel on scamming. I didn't want to make the story as humorous as a comedic tale so I just made it completely serious.

After I started writing it however I didn't explain the scam in detail as much as I had planned, as to make the reader see it for what they wanted to.
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#12
You're not going to ever explain the scam?


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#13
(06-05-2009, 05:23 AM)Previous Wrote: Look.
Brendan buys something and gives it to Joseph as a present. Thus, Joseph gets it for free. Same thing the other way round: Joseph buys the same thing and gives it to Brendan as a present. Thus, Brenden gets it for free. All in all, they both get their stuff for free.
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#14
but um
they're still paying money for it
both of them are just paying the same amount
why would the cops come
(06-05-2009, 05:53 AM)Fuck Im Great Wrote:
(06-04-2009, 09:55 PM)Tuna Unleashed Wrote: but that defeats the whole point of the story, i'm pretty sure we were all reading this to actually see the scam.
yes, but you could use that excuse for any story that plays off of the idea of never actually explaining to you what 'it' is

use your imagination for once, the best writing is the stuff that relies on you to put the pieces together.(unless it's just filled with giant gaping plot holes, but this isn't the case here)

maybe, but he actually started getting into what they were doing
it would have made more sense just to not describe being inside the store
and like I said, whyu would the cops come? we need to know why
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#15
It's satirical, folks. It's not actually a scam.
It is, however, funny. That the story remains serious after the 'scam' is revealed (i.e. cops coming) is testament to its humorous intent.

Laugh, dammit.
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