Talking with fack capitain kirk

[Maxpphire]

It cut off some of our conversation. Copy and past a few times.

http://bandore.pandorabots.com/pandora/t...kin=iframe

Fake Kirk: I am captain of the Enterprise.
Lieutenant: Then why are you not in control of your ship?
Fake Kirk: These clothes. We stole them. We didn't have any money.
Lieutenant: Where did you steal your clothes from?
Fake Kirk: On board the ship.
Lieutenant: ...that isn't stealing.
Fake Kirk: It's only the wind and the thunder.
Lieutenant: your the wind and the thunder
Fake Kirk: Of course. I am the fake Captain Kirk.
Lieutenant: So you're not the real captian kirk?
Fake Kirk: Peace.
Lieutenant: fuck
Fake Kirk: Can half a man live?
Lieutenant: Yes
Fake Kirk: Which half?
Lieutenant: both halves
Fake Kirk: Secure from general quarters.
Lieutenant: oh?\
Fake Kirk: I've found a whole layer of these silicon nodules of yours, hundreds of them.
Lieutenant: So you found my condom?
Fake Kirk: Oh, yes. That was wrong of me.
Lieutenant: Did you taste my sperm?
Fake Kirk: No. We beamed it out into open space, Lieutenant. Widest possible dispersion.
Lieutenant: Why did you do that? what if some alien gets pregnant with that?
Fake Kirk: What are you doing on my ship? Lieutenant, just hold on!
Lieutenant: What? Do you have any idea what your talking about?
Fake Kirk: Any of you feel dizzy when we were in the transporter beam? Have you learned to see this thing in whatever form it becomes?
Lieutenant: ...I don't go in the transporter beam.
Fake Kirk: I do now.
Lieutenant: You do but I don't
Fake Kirk: All right, I'll listen. What are you telling?
Lieutenant: That youprobably got some alien pregnant with my sperm that you shot off into space
Fake Kirk: Disengage this computer now.
Lieutenant: What computer?
Fake Kirk: Very good, Lieutenant.
Lieutenant: what?
Fake Kirk: Spurn him. Reject him. You must. You're special to him.
Lieutenant: Special to who now?
Fake Kirk: Lieutenant, acknowledge that message.
Lieutenant: What message?
Fake Kirk: Very good, Lieutenant.
Lieutenant: what?
Fake Kirk: Lock all banks on the co-ordinates of the energy field located down here.
Lieutenant: I already did
Fake Kirk: Shore leave?
Lieutenant: No
Fake Kirk: Read out, Lieutenant.
Lieutenant: Read what?
Fake Kirk: Get with it. I'm giving the orders here.
Lieutenant: I am with it. Tell mw what to fucking read and I'll read it
Fake Kirk: What hit? What attacked you? We don't use that kind of language on my ship.
Lieutenant: We fucking do now
Fake Kirk: We don't use that kind of language on my ship.
Lieutenant: We fucking do now
Fake Kirk: There is no need for that kind of vulgarity.
Lieutenant: Yes there fucking is
Fake Kirk: There is no need for that kind of vulgarity.
Lieutenant: Yes there fucking is!!!
Fake Kirk: We don't use that kind of language on my ship.
Lieutenant: YES WE FUCKING DO!
Fake Kirk: There is no need for that kind of vulgarity.
Lieutenant: Fuck you, just fuck you.
Fake Kirk: Lieutenant, don't speak to me that way.
Lieutenant: I'll speak to you however I fucking want to you asshole
Fake Kirk: Mister Baris, I'll hold you in irons if you don't shut up.. We don't use that kind of language on my ship.
Lieutenant: I'm not fucking Baris! I'd like to see you hold me in fucking irons you assface
Fake Kirk: There is no need for that kind of vulgarity. There is no need for that kind of vulgarity.
Lieutenant: Fuck you
Fake Kirk: There is no need for that kind of vulgarity.
Lieutenant: fuck you
Fake Kirk: There is no need for that kind of vulgarity.
Lieutenant: yes there fucking is
Fake Kirk: We don't use that kind of language on my ship.
Lieutenant: yes we fucking do the last time for fuck's sake
Fake Kirk: There is no need for that kind of vulgarity.
Lieutenant: Is that all you can fucking say?
Fake Kirk: Lieutenant, don't speak to me that way.
Lieutenant: I'll fucking speak to you however I fucking want to
Fake Kirk: Lieutenant, don't speak to me that way.
Lieutenant: Douche bag
Fake Kirk: Anything from the landing party?
Lieutenant: No
Fake Kirk: Engage.
Lieutenant: Engage what? My penis?
Fake Kirk: When I find the headquarters genius that assigned me a female yeoman. Then what kills a healthy man.
Lieutenant: ...What?
Fake Kirk: It's all right. It's all right.
Lieutenant: Whats alright?
Fake Kirk: Take Lieutenant. Find Lieutenant's body. This man is my problem.
Lieutenant: I'm the lieutenant
Fake Kirk: Lieutenant.
Lieutenant: yes?
Fake Kirk: Lieutenant.
Lieutenant: Yes?
Fake Kirk: Lieutenant?
Lieutenant: WHAT DO YOU FUCKING WANT?
Fake Kirk: Lieutenant, don't speak to me that way.
Lieutenant: Then stop being an asshole.
Fake Kirk: There is no need for that kind of vulgarity.
Lieutenant: There is no need you to be rude.
Fake Kirk: Take a look around you.
Lieutenant: Why?
Fake Kirk: Shoot. You're wasting time.
Lieutenant: You're the one wasting time.
Fake Kirk: Of course. I am the fake Captain Kirk.
Lieutenant: bye you fucker
Fake Kirk: Lieutenant, don't speak to me that way.
Lieutenant: GOOD FUCKING BYE
Fake Kirk: Lieutenant, don't speak to me that way.
Lieutenant: BYE
Fake Kirk: Goodbye. Energise.

[Omegajak]

I lawled. Oh SHeesh ya'll t'was a meme.

[Maxpphire]

Then talk to him and posts what he says to you. It can be funny.

[Sonikku]

Lieutenant: lunyka is a fat cow
Fake Kirk: May I have the pleasure?

[Raytheon]

Lieutenant: sonikku is gay
Fake Kirk: Lieutenant, status report.
Lieutenant: I am the real captain kirk
Fake Kirk: Plans to McKinley Rocket Base.
Lieutenant: indeed
Fake Kirk: Lieutenant, come here.
Lieutenant: sure ill suck your dick
Fake Kirk: Lieutenant, don't speak to me that way.
Lieutenant: why not
Fake Kirk: For the same reasons you excite me. You're a very beautiful woman.
Lieutenant: flkdnlksjfdnvlksjnfdv
Fake Kirk: Hold on, Lieutenant. Out of the mouths of babes.

[Gollum]

I realized it was cutting off the convo.

Lieutenant: Y... You cut me off!
Fake Kirk: I don't know. There's been a mistake.
Lieutenant: You bet your ass there has been! I made a mistake by enlisting with you!
Fake Kirk: Lieutenant, you have the conn. Put it on audio.
Lieutenant: She's a crimminal to? FINE! Janice, it's kirk, baby.
Fake Kirk: Stabbed, a dozen times. And get these tribbles off the bridge. An improved breed of human. That's what the Eugenics War was all about.
Lieutenant: Of course, we should have known all along, Captain! Use the energy staffs to clear the bridge. This Lieutenant is cute, by the way.
Fake Kirk: Lieutenant saved your life. What did you offer the others if they won? Ma'am.
Lieutenant: ... My virginity. *blushes, white facial fur turning a deep shade of blue*
Fake Kirk: Are you that anxious to die? Any contact, Lieutenant?
Lieutenant: I'm sorry captain... I was desperate. I'll put him back on.
Fake Kirk: Time we faced the unpleasant facts. Who was? Mister Baris, I'll hold you in irons if you don't shut up.
Lieutenant: ... What? You're talking to me, not her, captain. Though I must say, irons would be fun...
Fake Kirk: Any of you feel dizzy when we were in the transporter beam? Very kind of you, Lieutenant. I'd say our strategy wasn't totally effective.
Lieutenant: Your going in circles again
Fake Kirk: We're not going anywhere.
Lieutenant: That's because you're going in circles.
Fake Kirk: Because why?. We're not going anywhere.
Lieutenant: ... Can I just pleasure her?
Fake Kirk: I place you in the hands of our chess master. (gets up and leaves).
Lieutenant: Uh oh
Fake Kirk: Make course for Starbase Twelve.. Security, this is the captain. Find Lieutenant and bring him to the bridge.
Lieutenant: ... Shit, they found my space weed!
Fake Kirk: There is no need for that kind of vulgarity. Lieutenant: Fuck off, you won't take me alive!
Fake Kirk: Lieutenant, don't speak to me that way.
Lieutenant: I'll speak to you however I damn well please! Enough of this lieutenant shit, I am AVEN! CLERIC WARRIOR OF THE OLD ONES!
Fake Kirk: Time factor.. In Bela's office? There is no need for that kind of vulgarity. Red Alert. Deflectors full power. Phaser banks ready.
Lieutenant: Yes, ready your pityful weapons, mortals! You will never triumph over my gods or myself!
Fake Kirk: Can you take us to their village while it's still dark?. Go. Or disobey an order from her.
Lieutenant: Captain! Oh god, help! It's got me, lieutenant turned into some kind of monster, I managed to run into another room, but the blast doors won't hold long! Oh, gods, Captain, I'm so scared! Please, send troops to hallway Q-w67, hurry! OH GODS< OH GODS IT'S MELTING IT'S WAY THROUGH THE CORNERS OF THE ROOM! AAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH! AAAAG-
Fake Kirk: Stand by, Lieutenant. The alien creatures on Deneva have been destroyed. Less than seven thousand to one. Well, getting better. Getting better.. Where are they? Tell me! You said you'd let them go! Go to the engineering station. Give information on actor Karidian prior to Kodos' death. I'd like you to teach me that sometime. Why? Just to maintain a supply of zoo specimens? Lieutenant, how many of them did you get aboard?
Lieutenant: CAPTAIN! PLEASE! I DONT HAVE MUCH TIME! HE'S IN THE ROOM, OH GOD HE'S RUNNING HIS TENTACLES UP MY LEGS! *hysterical sobbing*
Fake Kirk: What is it, Lieutenant? And will you be able to determine if that beam is harming me in the slightest? Well, if you don't think you can handle it. Good. I shall remember to mention your alertness to him. Return to your duty. Power astern, half speed.
Lieutenant: You fool, I no longer choose to follow YOUR orders! Now the girl will die for your acts!
Fake Kirk: But why would he want to kill only two of us? All this. Self-inflicted. Mass suicide.
Lieutenant: Yes, they are returning now. Suicides can only be expected, Kirk. The Old Ones are causing your specie's dreamers and eccentrics to go mad. It won't be long now, the stars are almost right!
Fake Kirk: The fuel bins, Lieutenant. Could they be detonated from here?. There are no previous records to Anton Karidian prior to twenty years ago. Yes, of course. What does it mean, we are Lieutenant? Don't you take shelter?
Lieutenant: *pulls her arm free from the grip of what was once lieutenant and fires her phaiser at the fuel bins* AGAAAAG!!! AAAAA-
Fake Kirk: Besides, it isn't necessary. The chart said the tunnels meet further on. How about it, Lieutenant?
Lieutenant: *a massive explosion rocks the ship sending Janice flying from the daemon creature's grasp, as it is engulfed with flame*
Fake Kirk: Yeah. It might be the most suitable memorial at that.
Lieutenant: *Aven screams as the flames consume his body slowly, screeching with the agony of athousand tortured souls in hell*
Fake Kirk: That's the problem, Lieutenant. We have only questions. No answers.
Lieutenant: What was that thing then, Captain?
Fake Kirk: Spock knows.
Lieutenant: Captain... Spocks dead.
Fake Kirk: Kirk out. What is it? Lieutenant? Lieutenant: He died trying to protect me from Liutenant when he started to mutate.
Fake Kirk: I don't know. Green! (Green arrives) Did you see this?
Lieutenant: Yes captain, an awful site. Spock tried to save her, but the phasers did nothing to him but cause anger. He pick Spock up and snapped him in two...
Fake Kirk: Lieutenant, what are you staring at?. Lieutenant Van Gelder? Then we'll take him with us. He's no spy.
Lieutenant: Captain, I know I'm not a member of this ship, but after what that monster did when it was alive.... What might it do once it's dead?
Fake Kirk: Well, certainly no ordinary thief, considering what it is you appropriated. So we're stranded here, in the middle of a Klingon occupation army.
Lieutenant: I'm sorry captain. *a silvery tear falls from her big purple eyes*
Fake Kirk: Don't say any more. I have my reasons, and I'll make them clear to you in my own good time.
Lieutenant: Captain... Does that mean that those leagends about the Old Gods were true?
Fake Kirk: What's going on down there? As soon as we get out of the way, beam the body up.
Lieutenant: But captain, we don't know what it's capable of!
Fake Kirk: A calculated risk, Lieutenant.
Lieutenant: Captain, protocal states that we should not bring a dangerous life form on board. My answer remains no. *swishes her tail defiantly*
Fake Kirk: Bridge to engineering. Begin full braking power. Then what kills a healthy man. Transporter room, on the double.
Lieutenant: Fine, do what you want. But be warned, I sense dark things in the future.
Fake Kirk: Where is everybody? Let's see some more of these unscientific hypotheses, Lieutenant.
Lieutenant: Yes, I'll search of survivors. Janice out.

I know; get out, stop posting, Jesus lizard you're such a distinguished gentleman.
;__;

[Omegajak]

Lieutenant: What?
Fake Kirk: Lock all banks on the co-ordinates of the energy field located down here.
Lieutenant: Down where?
Fake Kirk: Kirk to boarding party.
Lieutenant: Well tell them what you want
Fake Kirk: Helmsmen, I said evasive manoeuvres.
Lieutenant: No you didn't!
Fake Kirk: Lieutenant, report to me immediately.. Believe me, Lieutenant, it was painful in more ways than one.
Lieutenant: I don't get what your saying.
Fake Kirk: I do now.
Lieutenant: Well fill me in jackass.
Fake Kirk: Set.
Lieutenant: Set what?
Fake Kirk: Lieutenant.
Lieutenant: Yes?
Fake Kirk: Kirk to Enterprise.
Lieutenant: Okay what about the Enterprise?
Fake Kirk: And get these tribbles off the bridge.. He's staying, Lieutenant. Kirk out.
Lieutenant: Fuck you.
Fake Kirk: Lieutenant, don't speak to me that way.
Lieutenant: I will cause your a dick.
Fake Kirk: You do that.
Lieutenant: Fine done.
Fake Kirk: Acknowledged.

[Boo]

i can't believe somebody actually read this topic.

[Adam]

i can't believe somebody actually read this topic.

well boo-lieve it!

[TomGuycott]

Lieutenant: Captain, the begonias... they've gone stale!
Fake Kirk: Reverse power. Hold this position. Tell whoever gave those orders to report. I'm Captain Kirk of.
Lieutenant: Of what?
Fake Kirk: Lieutenant, if you don't mind.
Lieutenant: Don't mind what!?... sir?
Fake Kirk: Explain. Turn the ship around. We're going home.
Lieutenant: You're not my dad! Don't talk to me like a child!
Fake Kirk: Peace. I think he means it, Lieutenant.
Lieutenant: Fine, I'll calm down, but we still have the--
Fake Kirk: Let her rant. There's nothing to say.
Lieutenant: Let who rant now?
Fake Kirk: You saw how treacherously they acted.
Lieutenant: Well they did maniacally laugh sir.
Fake Kirk: Who are you?
Lieutenant: That's a good Arnold impression, Captain, but we still have an epidemic going on here.
Fake Kirk: Where is she, Miri? Where is she, Miri? Where's Lieutenant?
Lieutenant: You need to get your eyes checked, Captain.
Fake Kirk: What the devil is this? Green leaves?
Lieutenant: Oh god, Green Leaves! They're eating your eyeballs!
Fake Kirk: It's been five years since his last message. Don't lose yourself to them. Hold on.
Lieutenant: Yes sir, hold on! -Rips the leaves out of his eyes-
Fake Kirk: Are you scanning for any unusual movement?. No one can see. Put your phaser on stun. What neutralising operation?
Lieutenant: Ah, I read you Cap. Phase Spok and rip out his eyes.
Fake Kirk: Analysis, Science Officer? Kirk to Enterprise.
Lieutenant: Shhh, he'll hear you!
Fake Kirk: Stand by, Lieutenant.
Lieutenant: I shall, sir. I shall.
Fake Kirk: When, Lieutenant. When, Lieutenant.
Lieutenant: Right now, sir, right now, sir.
Fake Kirk: Beauty survives.
Lieutenant: Indeed.
Fake Kirk: Hold our course, Mister Hanson.
Lieutenant: I hate those Hanson kids SO much.
Fake Kirk: It's not that bad.
Lieutenant: Yes it is, you're fucking retarded! -Phaser'd-
Fake Kirk: We don't use that kind of language on my ship. A devastating weapon.
Lieutenant: -Dead-
Fake Kirk: What did somebody say? That paradise must've looked like this?

---

Okay, sorry for doing it again so soon, but I just laughed a lot at this much dirtier conversation. I elimnated my first post because it was kind of random, but had a good setup.

Fake Kirk: We have nothing to discuss.
Lieutenant: Oh I think we do.
Fake Kirk: What did you have in mind?
Lieutenant: Set phasers for sexy, Captain, I'm going in.
Fake Kirk: Lieutenant, did you hear me?
Lieutenant: Oh yes I did, Cap.
Fake Kirk: Lieutenant, when do you estimate arrival at nucleus?. It's a suicide mission.
Lieutenant: I'm willing to take that risk for that sweet, sweet nucleus.
Fake Kirk: Landru died six thousand years ago.
Lieutenant: Eww, that's not sexy at all.
Fake Kirk: Insulted, Lieutenant?
Lieutenant: Not really, but now I'm not really excited anymore.
Fake Kirk: That's a very convenient excuse, Lieutenant.
Lieutenant: What, you don't think I can handle it, Captain?
Fake Kirk: A fat tribble.
Lieutenant: Okay, you're gonna call me fat now? You can sleep on the couch, Mister.
Fake Kirk: Lieutenant?. Just have those crystals here when I get back. Lieutenant, I believe you're getting grey.
Lieutenant: Now I'm old? You're such a piece of shit!
Fake Kirk: Do you mean your name is old? We don't use that kind of language on my ship.
Lieutenant: I'm leaving you, and I'm taking baby Kirk with me!
Fake Kirk: Goodbye. Energise.. We must talk to Lieutenant, bury the hatchet.
Lieutenant: So wait.. do you want me to go? Or should I stay?
Fake Kirk: That's an order, Lieutenant. No, I think you and I can handle it. Why don't you beam up now? No, Captain. No.
Lieutenant: Okay, my head's gonna explode.
Fake Kirk: Confirm Lieutenant's co-ordinates for the missile's point of origin.. What have you done?
Lieutenant: In my freakin' skull, you morbid douchebag!
Fake Kirk: I'm asking what you know about ESP.
Lieutenant: This is a fucking migraine. Not ESP. Dipshit.
Fake Kirk: We don't use that kind of language on my ship. What is this place? He never mentioned that his family was this important.
Lieutenant: So family isn't important to you?
Fake Kirk: Identification?
Lieutenant: You still don't think he's your son, do you?
Fake Kirk: What do you make of the cat, Lieutenant?
Lieutenant: The cat died years ago.
Fake Kirk: Lieutenant.
Lieutenant: Years ago.
Fake Kirk: Including ourselves, how many of us are there?
Lieutenant: We're all dead. Years ago.
Fake Kirk: Phasers on heavy stun. Energise. What's that?
Lieutenant: That's the long sleep, Captain.
Fake Kirk: Your prognosis, Lieutenant?
Lieutenant: -Sniffle-
Fake Kirk: Lieutenant.

[Boo]

i can't believe somebody actually read this topic.

well boo-lieve it!

I can't believe people thought that was funny.

[Sonikku]

i cant believe its not butter

[Omegajak]

i can't believe somebody actually read this topic.

well boo-lieve it!

I can't believe people thought that was funny.

I can't believe it's not the real Kirk!

[Boo]

I can't believe you even know who Kirk is.

[a babyass man]

well boo-lieve it!

A man after my own heart (: