[sprite comic] [excess blood] Castlevania: Time Distortion

[Soldjermon]

yes, I'm new to this message board, but not so new to the internet.. ;P

but! I've been making sprite comics for a while, and this is my most recent work.
of course, that you guys helped ripped the backgrounds and sprites, to make this sprite comic, and I'm greatful for that; but some parts, I had-to rip myself, like the darkness hallway in the beginning of SotN for example. >.>;

everything is updated on the new website that I've created. I won't be updating on here anymore; even though that I haven't updated here in a month or two.


enjoy everyone!

- Soldjermon

[Chutzpar]

Serious sprite comic = NO.

[Chris2Balls [:B]]

It's not bad, but at times very cluttered (with those huge speechbubble-rectangles and portraits).

[Soldjermon]

It's not bad, but at times very cluttered (with those huge speechbubble-rectangles and portraits).

um.. ok. I'm guessing, you want me to make the future comics just like other sprite comics, with speech bubbles above the characters and no portraits? I'm sorry.. I'm just trying to recreate the comics, as if it was from the dawn of sorrow video game.

- Soldjermon

[Chris2Balls [:B]]

No, no, maybe make the screens/frames bigger, or... make the writing transparent.

[Soldjermon]

No, no, maybe make the screens/frames bigger, or... make the writing transparent.

I'll see of what I can do, to make the text transparent; but each of the comic frame are at max size. I can't make them any bigger.

- Soldjermon

[Skink]

How bout we see less mugshots, more people

[Soldjermon]

How bout we see less mugshots, more people

I think I'll keep the mugshots, but I'm going to edit them around, so they'll fit better in the comic, because I put them in there for a reason..
the reason is, is that, so that the characters can have at least some emotions to be clearly shown.

I'll definitely add more enemies in the comic. don't worry.

- Soldjermon

[Soldjermon]

sorry about double-posting, but I just want to let you all know, that page 3 is up.

what has changed
speech bubbles are now on top and bottom, but only one of the two at a time.
mugshots are smaller, and are in the speech bubbles when needed.
the text is now transparent.
speech bubbles designs are also transparent.

what has not changed
removal of mugshots. - reason: so that some emotions can be clearly seen on some characters.

so, now you know. enjoy!

- Soldjermon

[Chris2Balls [:B]]

I'm starting to like this more and more

[Soldjermon]

I'm starting to like this more and more

I'm glad that you're liking it more and more.

by the way, page 4 is up!
enjoy!

one question though.. do you all mind, if page 4 is pretty long, or don't you?
it's because, I gotten carried away on page 4..

- Soldjermon

[Oddball]

#1 I didn't mind the larger speech bubbles, it adds a dimension to serious comics.
However, this transparent thing makes it a little hard to read.
Further more, you keep using commas where they don't need to be used, and your grammar sucks.
Some of the things they say are more of statements than what they mean to say.

"Im missing Mina already." That could be an afterthought in his head, but why would he just string that into his sentences.
And he keeps saying "Good idea", as if it wasn't obvious. They keep stopping and one of them says "lets go" and hes all "good idea."
Is it really that good of an idea? I mean, weren't they heading forward anyways?

Alucard sounds fucking retarded, make his speech intelligent, not cluttered with un-needed words and the like.

And if Alucard doesn't know what a wallet is, how did he know where to look for someone's name on an ID? Further more, how does he know it's called a wallet in the last panel?

My point being: This comic sucks so far and isn't of any interest to me.
I'd advise starting over, and using less retarded language, so that the characters look as intelligent as they are supposed to.

[Soldjermon]

#1 I didn't mind the larger speech bubbles, it adds a dimension to serious comics.
However, this transparent thing makes it a little hard to read.
Further more, you keep using commas where they don't need to be used, and your grammar sucks.
Some of the things they say are more of statements than what they mean to say.

ok, Chris2Balls [:B] said that I should transparent the text, so that's what I did.
I have a habit of using too much commas, I know that. someone pointed that out to me long ago. it's just my style. besides, I'm doing my best with grammar, since I was never good at English classes when I was in school.
I also have a habit of saying as statements. it's also my own style of talking.

"Im missing Mina already." That could be an afterthought in his head, but why would he just string that into his sentences.
And he keeps saying "Good idea", as if it wasn't obvious. They keep stopping and one of them says "lets go" and hes all "good idea."
Is it really that good of an idea? I mean, weren't they heading forward anyways?

the "I'm missing Mina already.", was to put there, because that Mina is Soma's girlfriend, and Mina could be worrying about Soma already.
the "good idea", is to agree with the other character. that's why I put them in there, and they usually stop at some points in the comic, hence the reason of why they say "let's go".

Alucard sounds fucking retarded, make his speech intelligent, not cluttered with un-needed words and the like.

And if Alucard doesn't know what a wallet is, how did he know where to look for someone's name on an ID? Further more, how does he know it's called a wallet in the last panel?

ok, to point that out, I know my grammar sucks, and my speech intelligence isn't that great; I'm putting of what I have learned currently from the English classes.
oh yeah, Soma's wallet, the outside is custom made, which has "Soma Cruz" name on it, that's why Alucard read Soma Cruz's name. ;P he didn't open the wallet and look inside it.
also, Alucard heard Soma say that it's his wallet, that's why Alucard said that it's a wallet.
one more thing, Alucard has been asleep for at least 4 centuries, from the events of castlevania 3's timeline, which is 1476. so, Alucard wouldn't have known about a wallet.

My point being: This comic sucks so far and isn't of any interest to me.
I'd advise starting over, and using less retarded language, so that the characters look as intelligent as they are supposed to.

yeah, if you don't like the comic that I've been working my butt off to provide them, with the current intelligence of speech; which isn't that good, I'm going to keep on going, since because, I know that I can't please everyone... and I'm not planning on starting over.

- Soldjermon

[Oddball]

I meant start over as in scrap this, take all the sprites and story ideas and just reapply them, use an editor.
Get someone to read over your stuff and help you with grammar.
The number of commas you use isn't just your style, but they're all in the wrong places of a sentence. Meaning that they aren't put there because that's your style, they're put there against the laws of English.

Using statements is bad because you should never have a character say how they're feeling.
Do you ever watch a show where a character just blatantly says "I'm mad," or "I am happy now"?
Other than "Hulk ANGRY!" I don't see intelligent characters stating things.
So have Soma worry about his girlfriend in a different way. Don't say "I miss her already". I mean, it's been like, a whole five minutes since they got stuck back in time, right? So have him say that he hopes she doesn't worry about him.
That shows his care for her in a more natural human way.

As for transparent text: I think it's a good idea. But I think you made it TOO transparent, as now we can't read it very well. Maybe leave the text opaque and make the speech box transparent. That fixes the problem of being an obstruction in the comic.

"Let's go" and "Good idea". The reason this bothered me at all isn't because you used it, it's because you used it twice in a row! Page one and page two.

It seems to me that Soma's an idiot. Unless someone says "Let's go", he won't know any better. He's not a dog, you don't need to have the same character prod him twice to continue walking. Why does he just sit there? What is it about Soma that makes him want to just sit in an area and pour out useless information. No one should have to tell him to go, they should just continue walking as a group.

As for the wallet thing: Wallets did exist back then, they were just coin purses and the like. It makes more sense now that I know that it says his name on the outside, but as a reader with no hidden knowledge like that, how am I supposed to know that it's on the outside? Am I just to assume that from holding a wallet Alucard magically learns peoples names? : P

I do appreciate you taking each of my crits into consideration and intelligibly replying to them all.
I don't intend to simply scare you from making comics, I just want you to be aware of what you've done wrong, and how to go about fixing it.

Good luck, I'll be checking on this comic in the future.

[Soldjermon]

thanks, oddball.. I guess.

now, to say, that page 5 is now here! X3

what has changed
speech bubbles behind the text is more visible, so that the text can be a little more easier to see.
the mugshots are now in front of the speech bubbles, and is at 75% opacity.
had gotten help of getting the script and speech dialog, because my own way didn't work as well as I wanted it to be(since someone complained about that ;P).

what has not changed
can't remember.

of who I credit, of helping me of the script and speech dialog, is a person named SuperNormalMan. I bet you all won't know him, but he's a nice guy, and helped me on this.

I'm planning on redoing the first 4 pages, but the schedule dates of when those would be done is unknown at this time.

enjoy everyone!

- Soldjermon