(06-13-2012, 02:24 PM)Makermatic21 Wrote: not too far away is Young Link heading into the Temple of time. He walks over to the master sword and pulls it from the pedistool of time.

Makermatic21 Wrote:Toad 3: Have you ever heard of Pop Diva from Club 64? Her music is very poplar in my home of Fungi Town.

(06-13-2012, 02:24 PM)Makermatic21 Wrote: Peach: Hyrule? Than you are Princess Zelda. Oh this is fantastic. The Professor sent me to request the help of you two? Oh, did you hear that Yoshi? The Mushroom Kingdom is as good as saved! Yoshi: Yoshi! Zelda: Mushroom Kingdom? Oh sweetie you must be confused. Link, did this young girl take a bump to the head when you rescued her? Peach: Honest it's true. I'm Princess Peach Toadstool. Zelda: The Princess Peach Toadstool? That can't be. I've heard many tales of that far away kingdom and I know it has one of the mightest heroes of all time protectecting it. None other than the famous Super Mario. Oh and his brother as well. What was his name again? Peach: Oh you mean Luigi? Zelda: Right Luigi. With the two famous twin brothers protecting the Mushroom Kingdom why would the Princess ever need to travel such a long distance to request Hyrule's aid? King: You think she's a spy than Princess? Zelda: I'm not sure. But her story doesn't add up. Yoshi: ( Angry) Yoshi! Peach: Hey, I'm no spy and I AM Princess Toadstool. Please let me explain. The fate of the Mushroom Kingdom isn't the only matter to be concerned with. The fate of many worlds; including this one are at stake. Zelda: This world? You mean all of Hyrule? King: Nonsense. Hyrule is in no peril. Even if it were Link would stop the opposing threat; just like his ancestors before him. Our guards are the best fighters throughout the land. Hyrule has its chosen champion; just like the Mushroom Kingdom has its hero, Super Mario. Peach: (breaks into tears) No… I'm afraid we had Mario. He was kidnapped and we don't know where to find him. That's why I've come all this way. Zelda… from one Princess to another I humbly request your aid. (Peach drops to her knees her head held down. Still sobbing softly.) Zelda: Your Majesty we must at least hear this girl's tale from the beginning. King: What? The Super Mario being kidnapped? The Mushroom Kingdom falling into ruin? Rubbish! Zelda: Your Majesty I implore you to hear her out. I belive she speaks the truth. This must be Princess Toadstool. If I'm wrong we'll have her treated for any wounds and I'll provide a safe heaven for her in the village. But if I'm right… sigh…If I'm right I want to know what she knows about a possible attack on Hyrule. This sounds most urgent . Princess Toadstool. Rise and tell me your tale. You have my attention. Peach: Oh thank you Princess Zelda. You are most gracious. Well…I guess I should ell you what I know… Scene fades to black. Scene opens with Zelda: This is most troubling indeed. I've made my decision. Link are you well equipped for a long travel? Nsvi: Hey…Listen…Link's always prepared. He's ready for anything. Zelda: Good. Link, you, Navi, and myself are leaving at once for the Mushroom Kingdom. Link nods. King: Princess I ask you to reconsider. We still don't know if we can trust this girl or if this is all a trap set up by opur enemies. Suppose our enemies want you and Link to leave Hyrule so they can conquer it with you two out of the opicture. Zelda: First of all this girl is the Princess Toadstool of the Mushroom Kingdom. I'm sure of it. Her word is good enough for me. As far as Hyrule is concerned you said so yourself that we have the best guards and warriors throughout the land. They will keep Hyrule safe until our return. King: Princess be reasonable. Our armies are most powerful indeed, but we are no match for the strength of Gannon and his armies of darkness. Zelda: Gannon has been dealt with. Link and I have made sure of that. King: Still what if he returns like he has so many times before and you and Link are not here to stop him? I must deny your request. The fate of Hyrule rests in the hands of yourself and Link. Not outsiders. Zelda pauses. She's in thought. A box now appears on the screen. There's a question for the player to answer. Will Zelda jhoin the cause? Yes/No. Here's what happens if you say no. Zelda: You have a point majesty. I however cannot refuse the request of help from someone in need . Link, I cannot abandoned my duties as a Princess. Hyrule needs me. That's why I am ordering you and Navi to travel with Princess Toadstool to the Mushrrom Kingdom and help her with her plight. I shall remain here to protect Hyrule until your safe return. Link nods. Navi: hey…listen… We won't disappoint you Princess. ( The Zelda victory theme from Melee plays.) A text box appears: The hero of time is at your command. Now your advwenture truly begins! The heroes are seen leaving Hyrule Castle with the main Zelda theme playing. They enter a nearby portal as the theme fades out. The scene fades to black. New Chapter begins. *Note: performing this option will give the player Link, but not Zelda. And you hear Navi talk again. Obviously the player will want to say yes. Here's what will happen: Zelda: You're right. The fate of Hyrule rests in Link's and my hands. Which is why I'm leaving with Princess Peach in a preemptive strike against the forces of evuil. If I'm correct I'll be saving Hyru;le from peril once and for all. Gannon may be defeated, but there are other evul forces at work. I'll stop them all. I'll see the day when Gannon is stopped for good and Hyrule knows peace and prosparity for the remainder of her days. That is my fondest wish and my destiny as a Princess to fulfill. Peach wants the same thing. Foer her kingdom. No more threats from Bowser and safety and prosparity fior all her people. The threat of evil stiops now. Hyrule and the Mushroom Kingdom shall unite forces and we will vanquish evcil once and for all. ( The Zelda victory theme from melee plays) A text box appears and says: Way to go! The "Princess of Wisdom Zelda" and the Couragous "Hero of Time" Link have choisen to lend you their strength. They will be a most val uable assett indeed. Our heroes exit the castel ( Zelda Theme starts playing) and head towards a portal. They enter the portal (The Zelda theme fades out as the scene fades to black. Our heroes return to Professor E. Gadd's Lab. E. Gadd: My back so soon? Peach: You told us to be remember Professor? E. Gadd: Yes… hm well… uh… where's Lui… FLASH! Luigi! You're soaking wet. What happened? Luigi speaks. E. Gadd: You say the portal just closed up. Hm. This is troubling. Most troubling indeed. In any event It's good to see you're all here unharmed. DK speaks. Uh… yes it's good to see you too. DK one arm hugs the professor. The Profesors face is blue. Ugh… good indeed. Care for this? He hands DK a bananna. DK is now happily jumping up and down. Yes it's so nice of you to join our cause. Princess. I see you have brought back your heroes as well. Peach: Yes Professor. This is Princess Zelda of Hyrule. Zelda: Pleased to meet you Professor. Peach: And with her is … Navi: Link, Listen, This is the scientist who requested our aid. E. Gadd: Oh my a little talking butterfly. How interesting. Navi: Hey I'm no butterfly. I'm Navi, Link's personal fairy assistant. He's fortunate to have me around you know. Why once he was the only boy in Kokiri village who didn't have a fairy. It really is such a sad tale. Why I rember when… Zelda: Calm down little sprite. We need to jknowe what's going on here. Navi: Right. Link. Get ready to listen. Are you listening? Listen Link. E. Gadd: Right. Let me first start off by saying Link. We owe you our gratitude for coming here. Without your heroic skills and abilities we may not surrive this invassion. Enemies have not only invaded opur world, but yours as well. Even nowe they grow in number. Soon we may not be able to stop their growth. Soon they may take over all worlds, no whole universeres, which could potentially result in… Peach: Uhm… Excuse me Professor? E. Gadd: Yes Princess? Princess Peacxh: Link and Zelda are already aware of the growing danger. You just need to tell us how to stop it. E. Gadd: Oh right than. Yes I suppose I did get off topic there huh? Navi: I followed you. E. Gadd: Thank you butt… er little sprite. Nsvi: Navi E. Gadd: Navi. Hm.. Interesting. Peach: What is it Professor? E. Gadd these readings. According to my calculations the length of the portals are shortening. This is indeed a probl;em. We have less time to gather heroes and you all have to… Zelda: Have to what Professor? E. Gadd: Travel into space. Everyone gasps. Uh don't worry though fortunately I have a little something in hand to help you all out. Behold. Hje presses a button on a remote control and a wall panel opens up revealing Zelda: Are those space suits? E. Gadd: Sure are. Nifty huh? Peach: But professor when did you start desiging space suits? I thought your work uinvolved the supernatural and paranormal. E. Gadd: It dodsse. It does. But the Mario bros. Must be ready to travel anywhere at all times and I figured sooner or later they may need to be equipped to travel through space. So I've secretly been working on designing these special space suits for the bros. And aoll the citizens of the Mushroom Kingdom. Peach: All of our citizens? E. Gadd: Well sure. It's always good to be prepared. I mean what if some day Bowser figures out a way to send all the inhabitants of the Mushroom Kingdom into Outter space while he's on one of his missions to capture you? That could happen. Peach: Professor. Outer Space? Even Bowser wouldn't be crazy enough to launch all of us into outer space. Besides Could you imagine Mario flying around in outer space with Yoshi trying to save me and Luigi? Boy the notions you come up with sometimes. You're so silly Professor. E. Gadd: Well in any event I've managed to create costumes for all of you and I may have a spare for Link and his traveling companions here. Ah yes here we are everyone gear up. Scrteen fades to balck. Scene opens again with everyone in their space suits. ( The suits are the ones from Space Land from Mario Party 2.) These specially designed suits will be able to stand the atmospheric pressure of the Planet Zebes. There you must find the one called Samus. Peach: Samus? We now see a flashback cutscene of Ridley destroying the Mushroom Kingdom. Ridley: Flee. Flee in terror! I've only just begun. He blows something up. My tyranny over this land will not end until you surrender Samus to me. Toad: Ah! What's a Samus? Toad: I don't know. Do you? Toad: No. Ridley: Fools! Do not play dumb with me. I was informed she's hiding here. Now wherte is she? He shoots more beams. Toads: AAAAAHHH! Scene flashes back to now. Peach: That creature… it demanded Samus. Where is it now? E. Gadd: It said it had other matters to attend to, but that it would return. Zelda: Than our mission is clear. Whoever this Samus is we need to find him and fast. Maybe we can use him to lure that creature back here and than we'll spring an ambush ion it. E. Gadd: Sounds like the best solution we've got. Peach: I Agree we need a plan but… we can't just use Samus for our own personal gain. First we'll have to gain his trust than maybe he'll agree to fight for us. Zelda: Agreed. The problem is we don't know what Samus looks like. Do you know Professor? E. Gadd: I 'm not sure. That I'm afraid you'll have to discover for yourselves.

(06-13-2012, 06:42 PM)Sevenstitch Wrote:

Makermatic21 Wrote:Toad 3: Have you ever heard of Pop Diva from Club 64? Her music is very poplar in my home of Fungi Town.

Get it

Pop Diva

Like Soda Pop

A carbonated beverage

(06-14-2012, 08:38 AM)Meta Wrote:

(06-13-2012, 02:24 PM)Makermatic21 Wrote: Peach: Hyrule? Than you are Princess Zelda. Oh this is fantastic. The Professor sent me to request the help of you two? Oh, did you hear that Yoshi? The Mushroom Kingdom is as good as saved! Yoshi: Yoshi! Zelda: Mushroom Kingdom? Oh sweetie you must be confused. Link, did this young girl take a bump to the head when you rescued her? Peach: Honest it's true. I'm Princess Peach Toadstool. Zelda: The Princess Peach Toadstool? That can't be. I've heard many tales of that far away kingdom and I know it has one of the mightest heroes of all time protectecting it. None other than the famous Super Mario. Oh and his brother as well. What was his name again? Peach: Oh you mean Luigi? Zelda: Right Luigi. With the two famous twin brothers protecting the Mushroom Kingdom why would the Princess ever need to travel such a long distance to request Hyrule's aid? King: You think she's a spy than Princess? Zelda: I'm not sure. But her story doesn't add up. Yoshi: ( Angry) Yoshi! Peach: Hey, I'm no spy and I AM Princess Toadstool. Please let me explain. The fate of the Mushroom Kingdom isn't the only matter to be concerned with. The fate of many worlds; including this one are at stake. Zelda: This world? You mean all of Hyrule? King: Nonsense. Hyrule is in no peril. Even if it were Link would stop the opposing threat; just like his ancestors before him. Our guards are the best fighters throughout the land. Hyrule has its chosen champion; just like the Mushroom Kingdom has its hero, Super Mario. Peach: (breaks into tears) No… I'm afraid we had Mario. He was kidnapped and we don't know where to find him. That's why I've come all this way. Zelda… from one Princess to another I humbly request your aid. (Peach drops to her knees her head held down. Still sobbing softly.) Zelda: Your Majesty we must at least hear this girl's tale from the beginning. King: What? The Super Mario being kidnapped? The Mushroom Kingdom falling into ruin? Rubbish! Zelda: Your Majesty I implore you to hear her out. I belive she speaks the truth. This must be Princess Toadstool. If I'm wrong we'll have her treated for any wounds and I'll provide a safe heaven for her in the village. But if I'm right… sigh…If I'm right I want to know what she knows about a possible attack on Hyrule. This sounds most urgent . Princess Toadstool. Rise and tell me your tale. You have my attention. Peach: Oh thank you Princess Zelda. You are most gracious. Well…I guess I should ell you what I know… Scene fades to black. Scene opens with Zelda: This is most troubling indeed. I've made my decision. Link are you well equipped for a long travel? Nsvi: Hey…Listen…Link's always prepared. He's ready for anything. Zelda: Good. Link, you, Navi, and myself are leaving at once for the Mushroom Kingdom. Link nods. King: Princess I ask you to reconsider. We still don't know if we can trust this girl or if this is all a trap set up by opur enemies. Suppose our enemies want you and Link to leave Hyrule so they can conquer it with you two out of the opicture. Zelda: First of all this girl is the Princess Toadstool of the Mushroom Kingdom. I'm sure of it. Her word is good enough for me. As far as Hyrule is concerned you said so yourself that we have the best guards and warriors throughout the land. They will keep Hyrule safe until our return. King: Princess be reasonable. Our armies are most powerful indeed, but we are no match for the strength of Gannon and his armies of darkness. Zelda: Gannon has been dealt with. Link and I have made sure of that. King: Still what if he returns like he has so many times before and you and Link are not here to stop him? I must deny your request. The fate of Hyrule rests in the hands of yourself and Link. Not outsiders. Zelda pauses. She's in thought. A box now appears on the screen. There's a question for the player to answer. Will Zelda jhoin the cause? Yes/No. Here's what happens if you say no. Zelda: You have a point majesty. I however cannot refuse the request of help from someone in need . Link, I cannot abandoned my duties as a Princess. Hyrule needs me. That's why I am ordering you and Navi to travel with Princess Toadstool to the Mushrrom Kingdom and help her with her plight. I shall remain here to protect Hyrule until your safe return. Link nods. Navi: hey…listen… We won't disappoint you Princess. ( The Zelda victory theme from Melee plays.) A text box appears: The hero of time is at your command. Now your advwenture truly begins! The heroes are seen leaving Hyrule Castle with the main Zelda theme playing. They enter a nearby portal as the theme fades out. The scene fades to black. New Chapter begins. *Note: performing this option will give the player Link, but not Zelda. And you hear Navi talk again. Obviously the player will want to say yes. Here's what will happen: Zelda: You're right. The fate of Hyrule rests in Link's and my hands. Which is why I'm leaving with Princess Peach in a preemptive strike against the forces of evuil. If I'm correct I'll be saving Hyru;le from peril once and for all. Gannon may be defeated, but there are other evul forces at work. I'll stop them all. I'll see the day when Gannon is stopped for good and Hyrule knows peace and prosparity for the remainder of her days. That is my fondest wish and my destiny as a Princess to fulfill. Peach wants the same thing. Foer her kingdom. No more threats from Bowser and safety and prosparity fior all her people. The threat of evil stiops now. Hyrule and the Mushroom Kingdom shall unite forces and we will vanquish evcil once and for all. ( The Zelda victory theme from melee plays) A text box appears and says: Way to go! The "Princess of Wisdom Zelda" and the Couragous "Hero of Time" Link have choisen to lend you their strength. They will be a most val uable assett indeed. Our heroes exit the castel ( Zelda Theme starts playing) and head towards a portal. They enter the portal (The Zelda theme fades out as the scene fades to black. Our heroes return to Professor E. Gadd's Lab. E. Gadd: My back so soon? Peach: You told us to be remember Professor? E. Gadd: Yes… hm well… uh… where's Lui… FLASH! Luigi! You're soaking wet. What happened? Luigi speaks. E. Gadd: You say the portal just closed up. Hm. This is troubling. Most troubling indeed. In any event It's good to see you're all here unharmed. DK speaks. Uh… yes it's good to see you too. DK one arm hugs the professor. The Profesors face is blue. Ugh… good indeed. Care for this? He hands DK a bananna. DK is now happily jumping up and down. Yes it's so nice of you to join our cause. Princess. I see you have brought back your heroes as well. Peach: Yes Professor. This is Princess Zelda of Hyrule. Zelda: Pleased to meet you Professor. Peach: And with her is … Navi: Link, Listen, This is the scientist who requested our aid. E. Gadd: Oh my a little talking butterfly. How interesting. Navi: Hey I'm no butterfly. I'm Navi, Link's personal fairy assistant. He's fortunate to have me around you know. Why once he was the only boy in Kokiri village who didn't have a fairy. It really is such a sad tale. Why I rember when… Zelda: Calm down little sprite. We need to jknowe what's going on here. Navi: Right. Link. Get ready to listen. Are you listening? Listen Link. E. Gadd: Right. Let me first start off by saying Link. We owe you our gratitude for coming here. Without your heroic skills and abilities we may not surrive this invassion. Enemies have not only invaded opur world, but yours as well. Even nowe they grow in number. Soon we may not be able to stop their growth. Soon they may take over all worlds, no whole universeres, which could potentially result in… Peach: Uhm… Excuse me Professor? E. Gadd: Yes Princess? Princess Peacxh: Link and Zelda are already aware of the growing danger. You just need to tell us how to stop it. E. Gadd: Oh right than. Yes I suppose I did get off topic there huh? Navi: I followed you. E. Gadd: Thank you butt… er little sprite. Nsvi: Navi E. Gadd: Navi. Hm.. Interesting. Peach: What is it Professor? E. Gadd these readings. According to my calculations the length of the portals are shortening. This is indeed a probl;em. We have less time to gather heroes and you all have to… Zelda: Have to what Professor? E. Gadd: Travel into space. Everyone gasps. Uh don't worry though fortunately I have a little something in hand to help you all out. Behold. Hje presses a button on a remote control and a wall panel opens up revealing Zelda: Are those space suits? E. Gadd: Sure are. Nifty huh? Peach: But professor when did you start desiging space suits? I thought your work uinvolved the supernatural and paranormal. E. Gadd: It dodsse. It does. But the Mario bros. Must be ready to travel anywhere at all times and I figured sooner or later they may need to be equipped to travel through space. So I've secretly been working on designing these special space suits for the bros. And aoll the citizens of the Mushroom Kingdom. Peach: All of our citizens? E. Gadd: Well sure. It's always good to be prepared. I mean what if some day Bowser figures out a way to send all the inhabitants of the Mushroom Kingdom into Outter space while he's on one of his missions to capture you? That could happen. Peach: Professor. Outer Space? Even Bowser wouldn't be crazy enough to launch all of us into outer space. Besides Could you imagine Mario flying around in outer space with Yoshi trying to save me and Luigi? Boy the notions you come up with sometimes. You're so silly Professor. E. Gadd: Well in any event I've managed to create costumes for all of you and I may have a spare for Link and his traveling companions here. Ah yes here we are everyone gear up. Scrteen fades to balck. Scene opens again with everyone in their space suits. ( The suits are the ones from Space Land from Mario Party 2.) These specially designed suits will be able to stand the atmospheric pressure of the Planet Zebes. There you must find the one called Samus. Peach: Samus? We now see a flashback cutscene of Ridley destroying the Mushroom Kingdom. Ridley: Flee. Flee in terror! I've only just begun. He blows something up. My tyranny over this land will not end until you surrender Samus to me. Toad: Ah! What's a Samus? Toad: I don't know. Do you? Toad: No. Ridley: Fools! Do not play dumb with me. I was informed she's hiding here. Now wherte is she? He shoots more beams. Toads: AAAAAHHH! Scene flashes back to now. Peach: That creature… it demanded Samus. Where is it now? E. Gadd: It said it had other matters to attend to, but that it would return. Zelda: Than our mission is clear. Whoever this Samus is we need to find him and fast. Maybe we can use him to lure that creature back here and than we'll spring an ambush ion it. E. Gadd: Sounds like the best solution we've got. Peach: I Agree we need a plan but… we can't just use Samus for our own personal gain. First we'll have to gain his trust than maybe he'll agree to fight for us. Zelda: Agreed. The problem is we don't know what Samus looks like. Do you know Professor? E. Gadd: I 'm not sure. That I'm afraid you'll have to discover for yourselves.

(06-16-2012, 05:18 PM)Makermatic21 Wrote: You thought that was long? You aint seen nuthing yet brutha! BRUTHAAAAaah! That pun was for you Sevenstitch!

(06-16-2012, 07:22 PM)StarSock64 Wrote: I suggest avoiding nintendo fanfics altogether

(06-23-2012, 05:48 PM)Gors Wrote: Finally, my last drop of criticism is that you're taking this too seriously.

Let's place ourselves first. We're on the internet; we are in a game-based forum; the people around here joke regularly--we're a very laid-back community. Writing this huge wall of text is like, the worst idea ever because no one is going to bother reading all of it. People in general usually reads short stuff; if your text fails to 'catch' the readers on the first paragraphs, they'll simply stop reading and go to a more interesting topic. This is how this forum works, as well as many others.

Now, add to the fact that we have a dislike for fanfictions, let alone game-based ones. This type of fanfic is usually terrible, tired, annoying and uninteresting, as well as nonsense. We simply won't take it seriously because it is yet another fanfic from the internet.

More than missing on the text type and plot, you also missed the readers. This (maybe) would have a better reception in a fanfic-based site, but really, putting this on tSR will not give you good results.

PLEASE NOTE THAT criticism is not a 'bad result'. We might not like this kind of text, but we still can give proper criticism. So even if they're bitter, read them, analyze and improve. I'm just saying that this is not really the best place for this, heh

I suggest, like many others, to abandon fanfics for your own good; a piece 100% yours can be full of mistakes, but it's still yours and that's what we, tSR, enjoy the most. We'd rather have an original work than NINTENDO ALL STARS FANFIC #1209381309475064267.

(06-16-2012, 07:22 PM)StarSock64 Wrote: I suggest avoiding nintendo fanfics altogether

First of all, there's so many nintendo fanfics out there that nobody really wants to stop and read them
Second of all, nintendo games tend to consist of no talking or little phrases and whatnot. Your dialogue is very likely to be awkward. And, well, it is.

I know you like nintendo, but it's just not good for this kind of thing. I think you would grow more and everyone would appreciate your work more if you did something original.